Sunday Poetry: Men at Forty, by Donald Justice

Men at Forty

Men at forty
Learn to close softly
The doors to rooms they will not be
Coming back to.

At rest on a stair landing,
They feel it
Moving beneath them now like the deck of a ship,
Though the swell is gentle.

And deep in mirrors
They rediscover
The face of the boy as he practices tying
His father's tie there in secret

And the face of that father,
Still warm with the mystery of lather.
They are more fathers than sons themselves now.
Something is filling them, something

That is like the twilight sound
Of the crickets, immense,
Filling the woods at the foot of the slope
Behind their mortgaged houses.

- by Donald Justice
_________________________________________

This man at 48 can't help but be mildly amused by Donald Justice's intimations of mortality at age 40, but he gets the feeling right. (Though he could not have known it at the time, 40 was almost exactly the halfway point of his life, which ended six days short of his 79th birthday.) At some age, most of us begin to think about the fact we've walked more than halfway toward our own funeral, and it begins to temper how things are for us.

If the average age is 75 or so, when you're forty you might start thinking, on one of those absolutely perfect spring days, "How many of these remain?" You only have 35 best spring days left, and you're going to spend it at the office? Today, I look out at a perfect snow, whitening the ground, lacing the trees and (thank you) melting on the roads and sidewalks, and I know that at the pace of a few a year, the number of such pleasant snows in my future is likely in double digits, not triple.

Donald Justice manages to capture the feeling without lurching into the maudlin or self-pitying. His opening thought, that men at forty learn to close doors more softly, is a hopeful and generous one, and isn't even accurate for a great many of us. Too often, men at forty slam the doors on the families that have sustained them, and open the doors of red convertibles. Too often, panicked men at forty try to pry open all the doors that have been closed to them. McCain, to choose a public example, spent the past year slamming doors hard and burning his dignity in a vain attempt to gain a presidency he was unlikely to live through. Not all men are as wise as Donald Justice hints.

At forty you become aware, through unfortunate friends and doctors' consultations, that little things (those gentle swells you feel on a stair landing), could be big things gently making themselves known. There's no guarantee that you get your full allotment of 75 years - cancer, heart attacks and disease have already taken some of your peers when you are in your forties, and acquaintances' mortality becomes less and less of an "Oh my God!" shock.

The gentleness in Justice's portrait contrasts with other poetical advice, such as Dylan Thomas' call to "Rage, rage against the dying of the light." But Justice is not offering advice - he is describing the internal alertness to mortality that comes with age. Justice's immense woods at the foot of the slope filled with the twilight sound of crickets could be the very same lovely, dark and deep woods that Frost stopped by on a snowy evening. Justice's "mortgaged houses" parallel Frost's "promises to keep, and mile to go before I sleep." Responsibility calls us from self-absorbed fascination with our own mortality and moves us forward.

This poem seemed an apt choice this week because Thanksgiving Day was the birthday of my friend's recently lost father, whom I mentioned in the context of Sharon Olds' poetry. He was a man I knew only as a father and grandfather; I didn't know anything about his career life or the adventures he had. He was a man who moved to Kansas City to be closer to his grandchildren - a man with patience to untangle a fishing line and sit through long meets to watch his grand-daughter shine on a balance beam.

I never knew him when he was forty, but I am certain he was a different person in countless ways. His spirited daughters certainly drew some of their audacity and moxie from their father. When I knew him, though, he was a man adept at closing softly the doors to rooms he would not be coming back to. He had taken to heart the wisdom that Donald Justice suggests.

Gone Mild Shopping Guide

Alright, I feel like I can post this now. It's the morning of Black Friday, and all the crazies are off to the malls or to big box retailers, standing in line and saving dollars. Good for them, and more power to them - if saving a few dollars to put into your gas tank so you can idle in JoCo traffic is your goal, then you know what you're doing and don't need my advice.

Those people are off shopping. It's just us right now, so let's talk about Holiday shopping. 'Tis the season and all that, but you don't want to lose your soul to Johnson County, and you prefer to buy local, right? What's a shopper to do?

I'm here to help, with a few suggestions to spark your thought process. Now, unlike several other areas of human knowledge, like politics, beer and poetry, I am NOT Kansas City's most informed person on the retail business, so I beg my more informed readers to offer their suggestions, amplifications and corrections in the comments. I'll copy and paste the ones I think sound wonderful to the front page as updates.

So here goes:

Clothing

The days of Kansas City's garment industry have largely passed, but there are a few places where you can get cool things you really ought to consider giving as gifts. First, there's Ideal Garment and Scientific Panty, housed in a firehouse at 4518 Troost. Susan Wiegand, the proprietess, is simply one of the coolest people you'll ever meet, and she insists that her clothing be comfortable first, stylish first and well made first. If that doesn't make sense to you, you need to relax and visit Susan, and you'll get it. Even Republicans like her, and it does them a lot of good.

If you're really, really into recycling, then hit a thrift store for the ultimate in reducing waste. The best of the lot is the Maj-R Thrift group of stores, but just about any thrift store will present you with bargain opportunities and rare finds. If the person you're shopping for is too snobby to accept used clothing, then a gift of used clothing may be exactly what they need to begin the process of rethinking who they are and what kind of person they've become. You'll be giving enlightenment as well as a cool gift, and that, my friends, could be the best Christmas offering ever.

For the younger set, I have to recommend Gen-X at 31st and Prospect. For the rest of us, check out the discount racks at Sutherland's hardware. Nobody has actually said so, but I'm pretty sure I look fantastic in my $12.99 Dickies blue jeans.

Kitchen Stuff

Pryde's Old Westport has the best of everything. A decade or so ago, I spent $40 on a Peugot pepper grinder, and it may be the best investment I've ever made. Pryde's is not a bargain-hunter's paradise, though they do have deals from time to time, but it is a cool place to shop, and a Kansas City tradition. If you've never been there, why not?

If you want a tortilla press or a big earthenware pot or the best kind of mortar and pestle to make guacamole with, go to the shop that is a couple doors west of La Fonda el Tacquito on Southwest Boulevard. The place is awesome, and they have all kinds of cool canned and jarred stuff.

In a similar vein, visit the Chinese Supermarket just north of River Market. While the enclosed fish market gives it a bit of an odor, the place is chock-full of bizarre ingredients. They also have a stock of plates and pots and stuff over in the northeast corner of the store. Maybe I'm a bit unusual in that I think a can of some weird vegetable or fish is an appropriate Christmas gift, but it's one way to delight someone adventuresome on your list.

Books

Spivey's is an amazing used bookstore on the same block as the Westport Flea Market. Block out at least an hour so you can sit down and page through some of the old art books, or read a poem, or even just pet one of the massive dogs. And don't forget to flip through their old Kansas City photos, or the incredible old maps. Spivey's is three floors of heaven for book lovers.

If you want the latest best seller, though, go to Rainy Day Books (yes, it's in Johnson County). They're doing their level best to keep our town's literary scene alive, and they need and deserve our support. Really, it is much better to buy from Rainy Day than it is to buy from Borders or Barnes & Noble. Do the right thing!

Jewelry

As my ever-patient wife can attest, this is not an area of experience for me. I did see the coolest 816 earrings at Gen-X at 31st and Prospect, though.

Electronics

Does anyone have any suggestions where one can support local stores but still buy electronics? I tend to buy from Costco when I am in this market, because they at least support the urban core by locating in Midtown and hiring locals.

General Merchandise for Loved Ones

THE BEST IS SAVED FOR LAST. The single best Christmas shopping place in Kansas City for finding gifts for loved ones is the River Market Antique Mall. Just up the hill to the west of River Market on 5th Street, you can find everything from used postcards (a personal favorite - who can resist reading those messages and seeing old stamps and cancellations from distant places?) to nice furniture (our buffet was an $80 bargain there, with fine wood hidden beneath ugly red paint), and all kinds of quirky stuff in between.

Now, it takes a shift in mindset to shop for a loved one in the River Market Antique Mall, and it only works for loved ones. It's a far deeper experience than shopping at Oak Park Mall. You disengage your brain and what you know about the person you're shopping for. Forget what size they wear or what CD they mentioned. Put all that out of your mind. Then, once you're past all that, open your heart and understand what you love about the person. What makes the two of you gasp and smile together? What cracks him or her up? What kinds of things are cool to your loved ones?

This won't work for perfunctory shopping. You can't buy a gift like this for the cousin you haven't seen in a decade or a coworker you don't hang out with. They will open it and be befuddled - "Oh, an old suitcase . . . interesting . . . umm, yeah . . . I can use it to store my video games . . .". No, that's just awkward. Only give a used suitcase to someone who you know will say, with genuine enthusiasm, "Wow, that is awesome! I wonder who used to have this, and where they went?! This will look so cool in my bedroom!" How can you know they will say that? Well, you just kind of have to know that. The same thing goes for an old record player, or an antique bird cage, or a used Scrabble set.

I guess that's the whole thing. If you don't love someone enough to know that giving them a can of brined shrimp or a jar of mole' or a pair of 816 earrings or a well-worn book of Dickinson's poetry is exactly the right thing to given them, then just give them a Plaza Gift Bond. One size fits all, and your tax dollars will stay in Missouri. And promise yourself that you'll try to get to know them better over the coming year.

Blogger Insider Tension

We bloggers are kind of like normal people, only with computers and an incredible amount of time to waste. Just like normal people, we develop rivalries and get into spats over all kinds of silly stuff. The more experienced bloggers realize that readers secretly love fights and rivalries between bloggers, so the phrase "Blogger beef builds traffic" helps us see the silver lining to almost any storm of anger.

It's no secret that Tony's Kansas City and Gone Mild have had a few disagreements. In a nutshell, he resents my greater traffic, smarter commenters, and ability to turn a phrase, while I envy his stock of photographs, anonymous tipsters, and relationship with Darla Jaye.

But despite our online differences, Tony and I have avoided elevating things into the real world. There was one shoving incident, but, really, it was a misunderstanding about a breakfast buffet, and I'll admit I was in the wrong. Had I known another platter was on the way, I would have backed off and let Tony have as much sausage as he felt he needed. Rumors that we got up in each others' faces in a parking garage are exaggerated.

I'm afraid, however, that the cozy world of bloggers is about to get a little more personal, with the appearance of an upstart blog out to build traffic and gain notoriety without going through the years of experimentation and gathering of loyal readership. The new kid on the block doesn't respect the importance of keeping things unreal, and has already taken things to a new extreme - breaking and entering Tony's Mom's basement.

I hope the new blog quickly calms down and starts respecting the difference between online battles and real-world criminal behavior.

Neil Young Live, from 1968

I know Neil Young is an acquired taste that many haven't gotten around to acquiring. His distinctive voice, challenging lyrics and all-around quirkiness are kind of like mother of pearl - the same material that makes the ugly shell somehow becomes the thing of beauty.

Someday I will do an homage to him that will help the indifferent understand why, exactly, Neil Young deserves a prominent spot among the truly greats. But today, I'll toss the pearls before swine, and direct music lovers to listen for free to an entire live album by Neil Young from 1968, when he was 22 years old and shocked to sell out a concert hall.

Good Job, Powers That Be

I tend to complain about the Powers That Be, and justifiably so. But this morning, I have to take my hat off to the most visible group of PTB, the Greater Kansas City Chamber of Commerce, because last night they celebrated Beth Smith as the Kansas Citian of the Year.

I'm sure they provided a long list of her accomplishments when they gave her the award, and I won't try to repeat the list of boards, commissions and task forces she has led or swelled. Yeah, she's all that and more.

One could do far worse than choosing her as a role model.

George Bush Off the Wagon?

I normally don't claim to have much in common with George Bush, but, when he was in Peru, he did exactly what I would have done - downed himself a tasty Pisco Sour. Pisco, for those who haven't visited America's Southern Continent, is a strong grape-based liquor, typically around 80 proof or more. It's clear and flavorful, and the Pisco Sour is a tasty, refreshing cocktail that is all-too-easy to sip.

Despite my approval of his choice of drink, I'm at least a little disturbed to learn that our alcoholic president is back on the bottle after seeing what must have been a depressing election in which his policies were soundly rejected. Remember, Bush still has the nuclear football with him . . .

At least he wasn't over in Bolivia, looking for white flags marking chicha bars, where he could drink the beverage made from chewed corn. Remember, he's a Yalie, and he wouldn't have blended in.

Beer Update - Mid-December at 75th Street

I dropped by the 75th Street Brewery this weekend to check on the progress of the beer I brewed back in October, and they had just transferred it to the conditioning tanks. It's clocking in at around 9% ABV, with a finishing gravity of around 1.020, which means it will be on the sweet side, but plenty warming.

The conditioning tanks are cooled, so the yeast go dormant. That means the fermentation is over, and conditioning will allow the flavors of the beer to mellow and deepen. It's kind of like how stew or chili tastes better the second day - beer needs a little time to mature before it's at its best. Indeed, the term "lager" is rooted in the German for "lay down" because they would store their beers in icy caves for summer drinking. While my beer is an ale, the principle is the same.

I will post here when the release date is imminent.

In the meantime, go try 75th Street's Nitro Porter. Brewed with a hefty dose of espresso beans, the Porter is dark, rich and awesome.

Wall Street Journal and Abouhalkah's Achy Breaky Heart

We all thought it was going to be huge. A couple Wall Street Journal writers came into town to learn about the battle between the City Council and the Mayor's wife, and the political insiders got the vapors. What will they say about us? Did they read the Christmas letter? How bad will it be? What will a real journalist do with a story that the Star has done its sensational best with? Can they out-sensationalize the Star?

And when it came out, it turned out that article was crushingly even-handed. No bombshells. No excruciating recaps of how we all suffered so terribly when he accepted then returned a car. No dramatic retelling of how awful it was that one out of dozens of his appointments turned out to be a kook. No hand-wringing or outrage, OUTRAGE, that he does some of his work at home now. In short, the article made all the hullabaloo that occupies the Star seem kind of silly.

Humorously, Yael Abouhalkah sniffs that the non-sensational approach was a "Valentine" to Mark and Gloria. That is funny on so many levels that I have to admire his complete lack of circumspection.

On one level, it's a case of "it takes one to know one". As a Funkhouser supporter, I would never deny that his Mayoral campaign benefited from regular "Valentines" from Abouhalkah. It was almost embarrassing to read Abouhalkah's man-crush missives about Mark. For him to complain now about the Wall Street Journal writing a reasonable piece about the Mayor sounds like a failed suitor questioning what he ever saw in his unrequited love.

Second, Abouhalkah's complaint shows that he is dangerously bipolar on the topic of our Mayor. Having withdrawn the Star's endorsement, like a spiteful teenager ripping love-lorn pages out of her diary, Abouhalkah is now seething with resentment that when real journalists come to town, they don't see the same poopyhead that he sees. He grouses that the article fails to list every single one of what Abouhalkah sees as failures of the Funkhouser's administration. Rational people would question whether that was the actual assignment of real journalists, but such a thought apparently never crosses Abouhalkah's fevered mind.

The saddest and most embarrassing moment, though, lies in this tear-stained, ungrammatical gem:

Instead, the story gives all kinds of credit to Squitiro for how she ran his campaign in 2007, seemingly without any help from professionals (untrue) or anyone else (think The Star's endorsement -- since retracted -- didn't help the mayor in the Southwest corridor with his narrow margin over Alvin Brooks?)

Good God, man, get a grip on yourself!! Yes, we all know you were important, and that it hurts to see your former love smile at his wife. But, really, get a shred of dignity!

Abouhalkah had such grand dreams of what life with Mark would be, and it's sad to see him bitter now that they've been dashed. But it's getting ridiculous. Better journalists than him came to town, spent plenty of time with both sides of the controversy, and wrote an objective piece that made Mark look better than the Council on this petty issue.

Pull yourself together, Yael. Get a box of tissues, take a walk on the beach, crank Human League's "Don't You Want Me" or Ben Folds Five's "Song for the Dumped", and wipe your nose.

Funkhouser wasn't perfect to begin with, and he's not a monster now. Most of us knew that. The Wall Street Journal, as you point out, didn't tell us anything we didn't already know.

But your reaction to it sure exposed you.

Sunday Poetry: Thrown, by Rae Armantrout

Thrown

1.

She now carried out
both X,
which produced Y,
and Z,
which consumed it.

This seemed like completion.

So she broke herself
to bits,

but the sense
of having come full circle
could not be eliminated.

2.

Medicine Shoppe,
Tear-Drop R.V.

Don’t get cute with me!

The mind wanders.

The material
concentrates.

The whole plain
yellow
with bunchgrasses

across which
some loose flocks
are thrown

- by Rae Armantrout
__________________________________

This is not a joke. This is an actual poem, truly published in the New Yorker a few months ago. Go back, read it three or four times, read it out loud, have someone you love read it to you, pay a 900 number phone worker to read it to you, it won't matter. It's awful, it's insulting, it's a thumb in the eye to people who love poetry.

I write about this poem today because it struck me that I've only written about great poems, and the overwhelming majority of poems published these days are terrible. This one is by no means the worst, but I came across it in the midst of reading an old New Yorker article, and it was such a typical example of meaningless dribble that I thought I owed it to good poets writing today to show what they are up against in doing good work in a hostile climate.

Rae Armantrout is insanely successful with her poetry. She gets paid money to teach writing at the University of California in San Diego, and she has published volume after volume of poetry like what appears above. She has the respect of her University-bound peers, and gets her poetry published in the New Yorker. Poetry wise, she's big league.

But why? What is there about "Thrown" that makes it worthy of publication anywhere, much less in the largest poetry market in the world? Can you tell me what it means? Can you detect a rhythm? Do any of the phrases or words grab onto you and force their way into your mind days later, the way a line from Frost or Eliot does?

Such mundane functions as communication and inspiration, or even joy of language, are beneath a proper contemporary poet like Armantrout. She slaps such silly hopes out of you with the first few lines, a jumble of mundane words mixed with simple letters, too uncaring to form full words. There is nothing here to understand, nothing here to thrill, nothing here to bring joy. Simply stated, there is nothing here.

I wrote last week about the ambiguity created by layer upon layer of meaning, and I want to contrast that with today's poem, which achieves ambiguity by stripping away meaning, until it resembles a random collection of words and phrases, drawn together through uncaring chance.

It is a violence against poetry that such work gets written by a writing professor and published in the New Yorker. In the face of such success for work so unremarkable, how does a writer like Sharon Olds proceed, and why would a reader care a bit about reading another poem? Poetry like Armantrout's sneers at plebeian attempts to understand or relate in any way to it, but it succeeds in the academic and high-grade literary world.

If poetry dies off as a literary form, it will not be because of clumsy greeting-card rhymes or sentimental verse. It will certainly not be because of musty old sonnets and villanelles. If poetry dies, it will be buried in a University quadrangle, attended by a cluster of tweedy effete professors after a rousing bout of "experimental lyricism".

Blogger Appreciation: Observant Bystander

When I wonder whether contemplation has any role left in this world, a post from Observant Bystander appears and knocks my socks off.

Just as in life, it's easier to keep the conversation light and moving quickly. If you want to make a blog popular, keep your posts to one paragraph, sound a clear note, include a link, and move on. And, most importantly, post every day, several times during the day. Also, pick a theme - local news, state politics, Chiefs football, something like that. Make it yours, and you are on the way to blog success.

Observant Bystander breaks all the rules. She treats us to infrequent, thoughtful essays on topics that have her attention. She took a 5 month break, but now she is offering us a post every week or so. They are like a wonderful fruit that only appears in stores once in a while - grab them and savor them while you can, and hope they keep on showing up. For all I know, Observant Bystander will disappear for another season.

I don't love her work because it is like mine, or even because she writes about topics that fascinate me. Usually, they aren't really my issues. I don't struggle to accept a braggadocious father, I socialize easily with suburbanites, and my crises are generally far more mild than hers. But she's compelling, and astoundingly honest. She lets us in past all the gates and guard dogs we keep around ourselves, and shares her pain, joy and puzzlement at the world. Her post on recapturing the feelings of youth while dancing with a younger guy is a masterpiece.

Good bloggers comment on other blogs, as thanks and as a way of offering encouragement and letting people know that someone is out there. But I never comment on Observant Bystander's posts - it would be kind of like standing up after a Gospel reading in church and saying, "Yeah, that was really good, and I like to get my feet washed, too!" I don't comment because it almost feels disrespectful to the depth and completeness of what she has written.

Observant Bystander's posts are some of the best writing you will find, on blogs, books or literary journals. They sweep you up into her world and her perspectives, while treating you to sparkles of language: "heads safely encased in fiberglass helmets", "dollop of wine", "Sadness sank into my brain and enveloped me in its sticky web of deceit", "my limbs loosened with liquor", "Miles Davis played in the background, the perfect soundtrack for thought comas". I love great writing, and her posts are sprinkled with perfect phrasing.

Observant Bystander offers no fresh perspective on the latest kerfluffle at City Hall, and you can't find a great new restaurant by reading her work. But, 10 years from now, when today's political outrage has been entirely forgotten and the bikini models on Tony's pages are middle-aged, Observant Bystander's work will still be timely and important, because she has the courage and insight to write movingly about human truths.

Right Wingers are Kind of Funny Sometimes

Sometimes, when right-wingers try to predict how progressives would react to hypotheticals, they are so oddly mistaken that it makes me wonder if they have any understanding at all of non-reptilian thought-processes.

The latest example comes from one of the more reasonable right-wingers, my blog-friend Rhymes with Right. "Could You Imagine The Outrage…", he headlines before carrying on with, "If a GOP president-elect selected one of Sirhan Sirhan’s lawyers for an important role on his White House? I think we all know that there would have been a serious shit-storm over such a choice."

This reaction was inspired because Obama has chosen Gregory Craig as White House counsel, and Mr. Craig has done some excellent legal work in some controversial cases. Read the post if you want to enjoy the outrage of someone who apparently does not understand the fact that good lawyers take on tough cases and unpopular clients.

His imagined reaction is quite funny, really. It would never occur to me to be upset if Harriet Meiers had successfully represented Sirhan Sirhan - in fact, if the Bush administration had done a better job of choosing people for competence rather than for rigid doctrinal purity, our country would be in a far better place than it is today. Competence is a good thing in our world, and so is the ability to work in a world of some complexity.

But a portion of the right-wing will never get that. They assume that we are just as shallow and knee-jerk as they are, which only bolsters their black and white world view. It's sad, really.

(Note - lest I be accused of painting with too broad a brush, I realize that not all Republicans are so simplistic in their understanding. This is representative of only one of the patches in the quilt that is the Republican party.)

Jan Marcason Keeps Her Focus, Delivers Good Work on Sewers

One of the things I admire about Jan Marcason is her seriousness of purpose. She understands that she was elected to perform public service, and she sets out to accomplish her tasks, even when they're not particularly glamorous or even pleasant.

Mayor Funkhouser could not have chosen more wisely when he picked her to lead the task force studying our long-festering sewer problems.

Sure enough, she has delivered a plan to address the city's needs with increased fees and seeking state and federal support. Nobody wants to see their sewer and water bills increase significantly, but Marcason's plan helps right the balance after generations of underpayment for those services, and the resulting underfunding of infrastructure maintenance and improvements. The plan covers all the details I would hope for or expect, including incentives for environmentalism, assistance for the poor and plans to make new developments cover their own costs.

Back when we were differing strongly over the "Volunteer" Ordinance, Marcason stressed to me in a conversation that all the hullabaloo was, for her at least, in addition to the normal workload. The time she spent on that ordinance, she assured me, was not taking away from the time she should be spending on areas we agreed were legitimate and necessary areas for Council involvement.

It borders on humorous that somebody with Marcason's clean image and generally sunny disposition would tackle the grimy, dirty topic of sewers. But she has done it, with the level of detail and attentiveness to city needs I would expect.

It's great to see that both 4th District Council Representatives are paying attention to real city council business and city needs.

Beer Lessons!!

I learned Monday that the Kansas City Bier Meisters homebrewing club is considering conducting a special class on beer judging. The focus of the class will be preparation for the intensive Beer Judge Certification Program examination, but it will also serve as a world-class education about beer and all its variations.

They need 20 people to sign up by the end of tomorrow so they can decide whether to hold the class, so email me today (dan@gonemild.com) if you are interested.

The class will be divided into 5 sessions on Sunday afternoons, probably around I-35 and Lamar, and will cost $30 per session. For an investment of $150, you can learn enough to be recognized as a real beer know-it-all, if you take and pass the exam.

The exam will be a three hour, closed book exam divided into two portions (Written & Tasting):

Written Portion

- Ten essay questions, worth 70% of your total score (though I've heard that this might now be multiple-choice)

**One question on BJCP and basic brewing skills
**Four technical questions
**Five beer style questions

Tasting Portion

- Four exam beers, worth 30% of total score

**Judge beers as in competition, but no references
**Beers may be homebrew, commercial, blended, doctored, or mis-categorized.

If you become a BJCP judge, you will be invited to homebrew contests around the nation, and have the opportunity to taste and offer feedback to some of the greatest and most creative brewers in the world. Plus, you get to spend 5 Sunday afternoons drinking beer . . .

Free Parking at Power & Light District?

I learned yesterday that the $2 fee for parking at the city-built Power & Light District garage is optional. As I was waiting for the gate-machine to process my card, a car in the lane next to mine escaped for free by tailgating the car in front of it through the gate.

2 for the price of 1 parking! Who knew?

Of course, I was aghast at the thievery of my fellow Kansas Citian, and I'm mentioning it here out of anger, not admiration. I would never encourage people to do something illegal and mildly dangerous. That would be wrong, and there has been enough wrong about the Power & Light District without common citizens getting in on the action.

How dare a citizen of this city take advantage of a flaw in the system to save him or herself a couple bucks? That would be almost as bad as the Cordish company reneging on its plan to allow Kansas Citians to park for free in the garage they built for Cordish.

In a way, though, the clever toll-dodger should not feel too fortunate. In fact, that parking spot cost around $10 - every man, woman and child's share of the $4 million we taxpayers are going to get stuck with because Cordish has failed to live up to its promises.

Suits, Settlements and Silliness

It's always about the money, isn't it? Maybe not, this time.

For an amount rumored to be under $50,000, Ms. Bates has settled her suit against her former friend, Gloria Squitiro. Ms. Squitiro did not even know that her insurer had agreed to the settlement, and is reportedly none too happy with the result. She wanted her proverbial day in court to disprove all the allegations made against her, but, really, that was never going to happen - the court of public opinion reached its verdict long before the facts came in, and this media environment was never going to allow that court to retry that case. If a pro-Gloria version is voiced in the forest, and Tony and Yael don't approve it, does it make a sound?

Does it strike anyone else as strange that the suit continues with the prime defendant on the sidelines?

I hope that attentive readers remember that months ago, at the peak moment of silliness in the so-called Volunteer Ordinance, I wrote "Something has been 'off' about the whole affair. . . . I have way too much respect for Jan Marcason and most of those who supported her to believe that I am seeing the complete picture. . . . As described above, the Bates case, even on its best day, wouldn't justify the expense that Marcason was proposing to spend on consultants and criminal records checks."

At this point, we now have Gloria Squitiro's liability settled, just as I had foreshadowed, for a tiny fraction of the amount the City Council wanted to spend on consultants and records checks. But the case continues on against the City Council!

While I'm confident that Ms. Squitiro is disappointed that the case got settled, I want to point out that somebody here was pretty darned smart with the money, and it most definitely was not the hysterical City Council! If I recall correctly (and I do), the only person who voted against the misguided, ineffective volunteer ordinance was Mayor Funkhouser.

So, if you're keeping score at home, we have Ruth Bates paid, we have Gloria Squitiro safely out of harm's way, and we have the City Council getting sued!

If I were Gloria Squitiro, I would take a few of my no-longer-at-risk dollars and buy a bunch of nice honey crisp apples for the council, and deliver them to their offices as a way of asking "How do you like them apples?".

Folks, it looks like all the game-playing by our squabbling, ineffective City Council has blown up in their faces.

This is the Story of Johnny Rotten . . .

Johnny Rotten is doing a butter commercial in Great Britain:



As the wise people at Sadly, No! point out, this may be the most awesome punk moment of all time.

I'm listening to "Never Mind the Bullocks", delighted that I still have the capacity to be shocked. Thank you, Johnny Rotten. I am furious that you sold out. Thank you, Johnny Rotten. I have lost all respect for you. You are the greatest punk of all time.

Personality Test Results - Gullible

Tell people what they want to hear, and they'll like you. Tell people what they want to hear, but throw in some fancy lingo, and they'll give you money. It's a fascinating quirk in the human DNA that is ruthlessly exploited by 58% of those who call themselves "consultants" (it also never hurts to toss in a few made-up statistics). Whenever you meet a consultant that tells you what you want to hear, you are in financially dangerous territory, and you should drop to the ground and play dead until they start chatting with someone else. Do not worry about the consultant causing a scene by calling an ambulance - that would be actual helpful behavior, and consultants invariably refuse as a matter of professional pride to do anything which would actually be helpful.

The latest consultant madness burning through the local blogosphere is a concept being sold by Tamara Lowe called Motivational DNA Types. No, I'm not kidding - she really, truly does stoop to using the term DNA in her sales pitch so that gullible people will assume that there is some kind of fancy science involved. I assure you, though, that she cannot explain what deoxyribonucleic acid has to do with anything - she just picked the term because it sounds scientific.

To find out what "motivational DNA type" you are, you can take an online test - a common tool for "consultants" whose money-making scheme is so ambitiously far-reaching that they cannot be bothered to take your money one-on-one. I haven't taken it, but several local bloggers have, and the results delivered are absolute classics. One local blogger announces that he is a "Visionary" (notice that the labels used by these schemes are always scientific or complimentary - nobody ever gets labeled as "lazy sack of dung" or "mediocre grind" or "self-promoting buffoon", even though a 38.5% of the American workforce falls into those three categories - again with the statistics). Another local blogger is a Refiner and yet another is a Supporter.

(I'm not going to link to them, because these are some of the nicest people I know, and I don't want them to feel like I'm making fun of them in particular, when this phenomenon is universal in a world increasingly resembling Dilbert.)

But take a second and read the "insight" that this test produces for Supporters:

CSI Motivators: Facts and information, peer respect, sincere appreciation, private recognition, specific positive feedback, an inspiring work environment, co-workers they enjoy, clearly defined objectives, a sense of accomplishment, and time to reflect and plan.

CSI De-Motivators: Hype and hyperbole, infringement on personal or family time, perceived inequity and demands for rapid change.

For Refiners it's:

CSE Motivators: All the facts plus enough time to analyze them, competent team members, recognition by superiors, special privileges, freedom from controls and genuine respect.

CSE De-Motivators: High pressure deadlines, too many cooks in the kitchen, rapid change, infringement on personal or family time and perceived inequity.

For Visionaries it's:

PVI Motivators: Inspiring work environment, opportunity to originate and initiate ideas, peer respect, credit for work accomplished and a strong sense of mission.

PVI De-Motivators: Rigid structure, routine, delays, time-consuming details and bureaucracy.

Umm, yeah. Which of these do you fall into? Is there anyone out there who is NOT demotivated by "perceived inequity", "perceived inequity", or "delays"? Is there anyone out there who is not motivated by "peer respect", "genuine respect" or "peer respect"? In other words, is Ms. Lowe not simply wrapping up common traits in pseudo-scientific lingo and selling it as insight?

So, what's the harm in a cutesy online test and a little HR mumbo-jumbo? Here's the chilling conclusion of the Visionary:

The funny thing is that it is very accurate. I think this is a great tool for managers to read their employees, or sales people their potential customers. I ordered her book and plan on reading it. The simple online test gives you more than the usual; it actually gives you some tips on how to get motivated right now in ways it will work for you.

It's like the Pod People in Invasion of the Body Snatchers! The guy who wrote that is a young, smart, hardworking guy who is probably going to rise up into middle management or upper management someday! He's wasting his own money buying books now, but soon he will be using company resources to order the book for his entire department, or even for the division he manages. And then he'll decide that his company should have a retreat and have Tamara Lowe come in and do her cutesy psychobabble intellectual striptease for everyone, and then the entire company will be sucked in to a world of artificial insight and simplistic, jingoistic gullibility.

This stuff makes the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator seem like hard science, even though serious academics know that it is nothing more than a parlor game with all the real-world validity of a Ouija Board.

I don't need an online test to generate the Gone Mild Gullibility Score. Just take a blank piece of paper, copy down the following questions, and put two ovals in the space next to the questions, labeling one "yes" and the other one "no" (a lot of people have their sense of inadequacy triggered by filling in ovals, and you want your subjects to feel as inadequate as possible for the whole "testing" thing to work):

1. Are you a Consultant? 0 Yes 0 No
2. Are you deeply suspicious of consultants and personality tests? 0 Yes 0 No
3. Do you believe in Personality Tests? 0 Yes 0 No

If you answered "yes" to question #1, let's do lunch sometime and discuss book deals.

If you answered "yes" to question #2, you have a good head on your shoulders and will eventually lose your mind in a corporate environment. I pity you.

If you answered "yes" to question #3, you are a "Genius". You are motivated by good things and demotivated by bad things. Send me cash, a check, or, best yet, a credit card authorization, and I will send you a deeper analysis consisting of multiple pages of the blatantly obvious. Your "genius", however, needs "coaching" to fully develop, and, if you act within the next 7 days, or if you are from Kansas City, I have a special offer for you! For only half your earnings (gross, not take-home), I will serve as your personal life coach, and I absolutely guarantee you that your life will change.

(If, upon reading this last offer, you dropped to the ground and played dead, congratulations.)

Sunday Poetry: Birches, by Robert Frost

Birches

When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay.
Ice-storms do that. Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-coloured
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.
Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shells
Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground,
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.
But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows--
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father's trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate wilfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree~
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

- By Robert Frost
_________________________________

Last week, I wrote about Robert Frost's The Gift Outright because of its resonance in the week of Barack Obama's election. This week I'll write about one of my favorite Robert Frost poems, Birches.

Robert Frost is a master of meter, and his poetry deserves to be heard. If you like poetry at all, go here and listen to Robert Frost read his own poems - heck, even if you don't like poetry, give it a try. You get to hear the poet himself sound the words and stress the syllables and make the rhythms. The first time I heard it, the poem changed completely in my head. It became more human and more quirky - who would have thought that the accent is on the second syllable of "baseball"?

More than any other poem I can think of, this poem dares and mocks my attempts to understand and interpret it. There is so much in it that can be analyzed by high school students and undergrads - the Oedipal image of

One by one he subdued his father's trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer.

- the battle between suicidal nihilism and emotional hedonism in

And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate wilfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better

, and even tension between the artistic impulse and reality contained in

But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them

.
Frost even tosses in a J. Alfred Prufrock reference to tea, and ties his poem and its weariness to T. S. Eliot's masterpiece.

And one can imagine Frost reacting to all these earnest readings of his poem with another line from Prufrock - “That is not it at all, That is not what I meant, at all.” Because, like all great poems, it is not a tricky code or a sneaky way of writing about something else. It is what it is - it IS a poem about Birches, at the same time it DOES reflect sexual yearning and nihilism and pain and pleasure and a near-infinity of other meanings. All those readings are there, but in the sense that you can taste vanilla in a great red wine. The wine is not about vanilla, and to try to understand the wine by focusing on the vanilla notes is to be distracted from the greatness of the wine. Of course the wine has vanilla notes in it, just as Birches has sexual yearning in it, but the poem achieves magnificence by containing the sexual yearning and blending it with all that it is until it is no longer a blend of allusions and images - it becomes itself. It IS Birches, and that is the thing that hits you in the heart when you read or (preferably) hear a great poem, while the brain can struggle with the rest of it.

Imagine if Frost had been merely an essayist, or, God-forbid, a blogger. He could write about all the things contained in his poem, and he could convey all the information and thoughts that moved him to write the poem. He could write about the Oedipal complex and about how turned on he was the time he saw some girls bent over drying their hair in the sunshine. He could write about weariness and fear of death.

But Birches is all that and more. Its words are like molecules arranged to form a crystal - they work together to create more than a series of molecules, though they are merely molecules at the same time. The poem is more than the sum of its parts, and that is what makes it great. So, as I try to understand it, I look at the parts and understand them, while the whole exists on another plane, more than I can understand, and mocking me with my own need to try.

I Want Better Beer and Better Beer Service in Restaurants

It happens all the time. You go into a "foodie" type restaurant, wanting a great meal, and, as the waitress greets you, she hands you a wine list with dozens of choices. If you ask for a beer list, they don't have one. If you ask what beers they have, they struggle after rambling through Bud, Miller, Coors and their light variations, occasionally tossing in Heineken for a laughable attempt at serving a "premium" product.

The other night at the Delaware Cafe, when I asked about beers, my otherwise competent and savvy waitress told me they had the Boulevard products (but no Nutcracker) and pointed to a row of backlit beer bottles at the top of the bar shelves - undecipherable green and brown glass profiles. I didn't complain about the lapse in my review of the restaurant, because it would be unfair to knock one restaurant for an oversight that is near-universal.

It's time, though, that beer and beer drinkers get some respect. I want to see better beer in restaurants, and I expect professional waiters and waitresses to be able to present the options competently. I want to see beer lists offered like wine lists, ideally with descriptions of the beers so that diners can expand their beer horizons when out dining.

And no frosted mugs. Just don't.

If you are a restaurant owner and care about your beer-drinking customers, you owe it to step up your game. While I realize that the economics favor serving a $45 bottle of wine instead of an $8 bottle of beer, rising beer prices and ease of service can make great beer a more attractive economic proposition. If you're running a high-end restaurant, you can offer expensive bottles of beer with decent mark-ups, and grateful malt-lovers will appreciate the opportunity to pay the price. Boulevard's Saison Brett is flying off store shelves at $12 or more a bottle, and I would have been happy to spend $18 - $19 to enhance my meal with a bottle of that wonderful stuff.

I'm not asking every restaurant to become a tap house. Even those with small space can offer a popular and intriguing selections of beers to enhance the food. Here are five choices that I think ought to be offered in every fine restaurant - readers are welcomed to add their recommendations.

Fullers London Porter: A classic dark, rich sipping beer, this traditional english ale will enhance rich meals and red meats.

Anchor Steam Beer: Assertively hopped, with a relatively light body, Anchor Steam will stand up to spicy foods and cool the tongues of diners who appreciate hop bitterness and flavor.

Franziskaner Hefe-Weissbier: An explosion of yeasty, clovey, banana flavors, hefeweizens are spritely and engaging. A perfect pre-dinner beer to wake up the taste buds, or a fine complement to the fresh and pure flavors of creative cuisine.

Odell's 90 Shilling Scottish Ale: Odell's beers are justly famous, and 90 Shilling does for malt what Anchor Steam does for hops. Rich with a rounded malty sweetness balanced by just enough hops. This is a lighter version of Scottish Ale, perfect for matching up to roasted poultry and or balancing spicy food.

Ommegang Abbey Ale: Seductively rich and warming, this belgian style ale from Cooperstown, NY, is burgundian in its complexity. Perfect for dessert, especially with anything chocolate.

Of course, you may want to offer a typical American light beer, for the beer drinking equivalent of someone ordering White Zin at a wine bar, but the above 5 beers ought to help restaurants dignify their barley selections. Just as they wouldn't serve their finest meals on paper plates, it's time for them to show more class and respect for beer drinkers.

Beer lovers - what 5 beers would you recommend to a restaurateur trying to upgrade the suds in a nice restaurant?

Delaware Cafe - Extra Touches

Last night, my wife and I trekked through a downtown crowded with Coldplay enthusiasts and went to the Delaware Cafe, a little west of River Market on a cozy one-way street. I didn't know what to expect - several foodies had told me the place is good, but that was about it. Owen Morris of Fat City had complimented the place, and Owen knows food, so I was enthusiastic but uninformed. Kind of typical for me.

When we arrived, we parked right out front - the best parking a non-disabled person could ask for. So much for downtown parking concerns on an event night - downtown is big enough that a crowd at the Sprint Center doesn't mean that you should avoid restaurants on the other side of downtown.

A sparse crowd clustered around the bar, and we took a place at a table near the bar. It's a pretty space - artwork by local artists on the wall (including our waitress' work), black tables and a good-sized bar. We didn't make it into the larger dining room. The large colorful paintings were a great extra touch - local but sophisticated.

From the Bar Snacks menu, I ordered a serving of the crispy-fired shatto cheese curds with maple, apple butter and chili flakes. I know that's not healthy eating, but when you see something like that on the menu, you have to give it a shot, and they were absolutely worth it. Lightly breaded oozy cheese curds were just as awesome as you might expect, and the sauce on the plate added another dimension to the pleasure.

For my entree, I chose the Red Eye Prime Ribeye. It's a bit unusual for me to order a steak in a good restaurant, because I make damned good steaks at home. This one was unusual enough on the menu, though, promising smoked pepper hash, and over-easy farm egg and a coffee jus, that I had to give it a try. It came out as large, thick slices (chunks) of tasty beef covered with the egg on top of the hash. I was expecting a ribeye steak, or a thick slab of prime rib, and the perfectly prepared medium-rare pieces of beef came as enough of a surprise that I asked if I had really gotten rib-eye - though making certain that she understood it was not a complaint, just a question. Our charming artist/waitress went back and asked, and returned to say that yes, indeed, it was ribeye, but trimmed into thick slices. I still have my doubts, in that the meat, while tender, had a "tighter" texture than I associate with any part of the ribeye, but the food was great, and the tradition of tossing a fried egg on top of things is one that ought to be spread more widely. Yum. The coffee jus was a tiny pitcher of strong coffee with perhaps some balsamic vinegar added. Excellent, and interesting!

My wife got the tawny port braised short ribs, with mac & cheese, rapini, brioche bread crumbs, and natural jus. Damn. Braised short ribs may be the best food ever invented - with just enough structural integrity to hold together until they melt under fork pressure into a web of beef string. These were superb examples, served atop a bed of fusilli mac cheese. The richness of the beef with the gourmeted (new word alert) comfort food of the mac cheese was just perfect.

The only mediocre note of the evening was dessert. We split a graham cracker crusted gooey chocolate cake, with Vietnamese cinnamon marshmallows, smoked vanilla ice cream, and chocolate nibs. The cake itself was a good but not great chocolate cake, the marshmallows were more rubbery than springy, and the ice cream tasted like homemade vanilla ice cream with a few drops of liquid smoke added. It was not bad, but it was a big let-down after a fantastic meal.

The bill, with drinks, came to $100, so this is a special occasion meal. We could have gotten off a lot lighter if we were scrimping, by sticking to the impressive bar food menu and appetizers. I got to taste the chicken wings, which were charred and sticky with a sweet/hot Asian-influenced sauce - tasty and fun. A server gave me the wing after bringing out an extra order for another table - yet another extra touch in a restaurant that makes its customers feel special.

With its cozy and friendly atmosphere, Delaware Cafe deserves to be ranked in the highest echelon of Kansas City restaurants.

Free Political Advice Pays Off

Back in August, I was the first to sound the warning that Beth Low's seat in Missouri's General Assembly was in danger. Thanks to my sage advice, she started up a web page and managed to prevail in an 83-17% nail-biter.

Want to Support KCMSD Success?

You probably don't know the name Ron Martz, or understand his role in the formation of some of the Kansas City Metropolitan School District's best and brightest youths. No, he's not one of the bickering School Board members, nor one of the superintendents who have come and gone.

He's just a band teacher.

But, in his role as the band teacher at Lincoln Prep, Ron Martz has brought discipline and practice and talent to life in children who are at that crucial age when they start either abandoning dreams of greatness or fitting them into their deepest self-images. Through music, he reaches into kids' dreams and offers a score for their success. I don't know how many professional musicians he has taught (though I'm sure there have been a few), but I know for a fact that he has taught kids whose self-confidence, bolstered by their demonstrated ability to master a musical instrument, has walked with them on college campuses from Harvard to Penn Valley, and helped them achieve far more than the newspapers and civic talk would allow them to dream.

Yes, I'm a little emotional on this topic, because I've seen him take groups of kids and transform them from unruly, surly mini-gangs into polished orchestras and bands.

HELP SEND THESE KIDS TO CARNEGIE HALL!

Two years ago, two Lincoln students submitted their audition tapes to Carnegie Hall’s National Youth Wind Ensemble competition – and both were selected! The Carnegie Hall staff said they couldn’t recall a time when 2 high school students were selected from the same school in the same year. So last year, four more students submitted audition tapes (these are audio—it’s a “blind” audition) and were selected to be part of this National Youth Wind Ensemble this year. The artistic director of Carnegie Hall contacted Ron Martz, the director of Lincoln’s band program, and basically invited Martz to bring the entire Wind Ensemble to New York. High school bands and choirs from around the country travel to New York for this program each year, but they are overwhelmingly suburban schools. Most urban schools just can’t pull together the resources, even if they have the talent to be invited.

THEY NEED MONEY TO GET THERE!

The budget for the trip - bus, hotels, fees, meals, insurance, all that stuff - is about $75,000, and they already have $30,000.

Are you setting up a Holiday Party for your office? How about arranging a few of these students to entertain, and making a contribution to the trip? Do you have a hard-to-shop-for relative? How about making a donation on his or her behalf? If you are fortunate enough to be in a position to donate all or a substantial portion of the $45,000, you could get the kids back into the practice room instead of out with their parents working the concession stands at the Sprint Center and Arrowhead or selling $1 donuts and candy bars. Here is a link to the web page that tells you how to make a donation.

Even if you don't have a nickel to offer, though, come out to the Winter Concert on Wednesday, Dec. 17, at 7 p.m. at Lincoln College Prep High School, 2111 Woodland Avenue. Offer your applause and appreciation for some great young musicians and their outstanding leader.

They deserve it.

King of Domesticity

One of the lingering impacts of sexism in my upbringing has been a complete lack of ability to sew buttons. My mother was an accomplished seamstress - she even made a wedding dress for one of my sisters, and vestments for a family friend who became a priest - but she never passed on any needle-and-thread tips to me.

So, when I showed up at work yesterday and noticed that my suit coat had dangling buttons, I knew I was in trouble. Even if one of my coworkers would be willing to help out a dude in distress, asking would only expose me to taunts of sexism (most of my coworkers are female) and helplessness.

Armed with internet instructions and the office sewing kit, I managed to solve my own problem. Now, before you think this is a minor accomplishment, I should point remind you that this was a suit coat button, so I could not poke the needle all the way through to the back of the fabric. In the sphere of sewing buttons, I'm pretty sure this is equivalent to taking off your training wheels and winning the Tour de France.

When I got home, I enjoyed the Pot Roast with Root Vegetables I had loaded up in my new crock pot before I left for work.

Somewhere, my Mom and Dad are either smiling down at me, or wondering what the hell happened to their boy . . .

Beth Gottstein - Keeping Focus, Staying in Touch

Despite my two most recent posts grumbling about politicians, or perhaps because of them, I want to give a little credit where credit is due. This morning, I received yet another one of Beth Gottstein's updates, filled with meeting dates and opportunities to get involved in the hard and important work of local government.

I lack the html talent to post the entire newsletter here, but allow me to quote two paragraphs from her opening note:

The City Hall news stories drain attention, emotion and resources from the matters which should dictate our absolute mandate. Significant budget deficits, accelerated unemployment rates and spiraling crime numbers are just a few of the factors that have compelled me to ignore the internal matters of the hour, and direct my efforts to analysis, policy and strategy which strengthens our potential, builds on our resources, and ensures that we head off a crisis.

The headlines about City Hall are frustrating, but do not divert my commitment to Kansas Citians. I was elected to serve Kansas Citians. We have a great deal of work to do and even more to achieve. My focus remains tightly bound to the matters which charged me to run: City budget, workforce development, responsible economic growth and public safety.

I was a big fan of Beth Gottstein when she ran for her seat, and I knew that she would be hard-working, determined, and studious. My unvoiced fear, though, was that her passion for the City would lead her to get over-involved in the student-council drama and gossip of City Council politics.

I am thrilled to see her newsletter coming out in the midst of the city's silliest season, focusing on real issues and real work. While her fellow council members are caught up in dramatic press conferences and trying to decide who may and may not play in their games, Beth wants to talk about City budget, workforce development, responsible economic growth and public safety.

What a concept!!

Keep up the good work, Councilwoman Gottstein! It must be lonely sometimes to be an adult on the playground, but those of us who prefer watching "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" to "Peyton Place" appreciate your work.

(If you want to receive a monthly dose of city sanity, email Councilwoman Gottstein - beth_gottstein[AT Symbol]kcmo.org - and ask to be put on her mailing list.)

Furious at the Former Council & Mayor

News is starting to leak out that Kansas City taxpayers are going to get stuck with a $4 million bill to cover bond payments on the Power and Light District. That is $4 million dollars getting diverted to bankers instead of to snow removal or street repair. That's $4 million dollars that ought to be spent on Kansas Citians, instead of institutional bondholders. That is $4 million this year - who knows how much we'll get stuck with in future years, as the economy slows and we realize we're throwing good money to prop up a bad investment?

It's all because of the former City Council and especially the former Mayor, who blew our tax dollars for projections based on sparkles and unicorns.

Do you really want light rail? Do you want a downtown stadium someday? Do you want snow-free streets on the morning after a storm? Do you want sewers that don't flow into Brush Creek and cause fines from the EPA?

Well, too bad. We're spending that money on the Power and Light District, instead. Instead of all those things, we're investing in tax-favored, out-of-town bars and restaurants.

Claire McCaskill for DNC Chair - Stop Teasing Me!

Claire McCaskill's name is being floated about as a possible Chair for the Democratic National Committee, replacing Howard Dean.

It's a ridiculous thought on its face. McCaskill is the least loyal and least dependable democrat around. Back when she was in Missouri, she ran a hard primary campaign against an incumbent Democratic Governor, and her treachery accomplished nothing but setting herself up for a general election loss to Matt Blunt, the worst republican governor in the history of the midwest. Since winning her Senate seat, she has worn a WWJTD (What would Jim Talent Do?) bracelet, voting as a conservative Republican whenever she was needed. She gave Bush a blank check for the war, without any restrictions. She has joined with conservative republicans in abusing her Senate seat to attack free speech. She took an anti-American stand in favor of telecom immunity before she opposed it before she, again, ultimately sold us out. She even joined with Bush when Kit Bond abandoned him, because McCaskill opposed restoring the Everglades.

It's just a tease, trying to offer me hope that we could somehow get rid of our worst Senator since John Ashcroft. Earlier, she had been mentioned as a possible Attorney General candidate, which would have been fine with me, too, but she quickly withdrew her name from consideration (darn it!). I liked the symmetry of Missouri's two worst Senators both serving as Attorneys General, but fate did not smile so broadly. I also got excited when her name was floated as a possible veep for Obama - she could have a perfect way for Obama to embrace mainstream Republican values.

But, ultimately, we're not going to get rid of Claire McCaskill so easily. Despite her reputation as a savvy campaigner, she failed to deliver Missouri for Obama in a blue tide year. And let's never forget, SHE LOST TO MATT BLUNT!!!

She's one of the wealthiest Senators in a wealthy Senate - let's just hope she gets tired of dressing up every morning and voting Republican from the Democratic side of the aisle, and retires to some tropical island.

Repost: The Non-Scary Guide to Getting Involved in Politics

I've noticed a lot of search engine hits from people searching for information on getting involved with politics, so I'm reposting this (slightly updated) piece I wrote after the primaries.

A reader wrote me an email recently in response to a post I had done about working for Jason Kander's campaign. "How did you get involved? What is it like to get involved? What if you don't know the right people?" Those are great questions that probably linger in the minds of a lot of potential volunteers who, in the absence of answers, wind up staying home.

How to Get Involved: The easiest way to get involved in a campaign is to call the candidate, or someone with his or her campaign. If you're interested in getting involved more generally, or if you're focused more on a cause than a campaign, then contact an organization with a good reputation for doing good work. Either way, use phone or email to contact the people involved, and they will be eager to get you involved.

What to Expect: Working for a campaign is not like The West Wing, or even Primary Colors. There's a whole lot more phone-banking and envelope stuffing involved than there is policy discussion. You might as well leave your ego at the door, because a campaign runs on workers' hands, not their brains.

That said, remember that you are a volunteer, and can fairly and justifiably decline the opportunity to take on a task you don't like. If calling people and asking them if they would like to attend a forum with your candidate is outside your comfort zone, then say that to the person who is asking you to do it. Trust me, they'll find something more to your liking.

What If You Don't Know the Right People: Volunteering for a campaign is a great way to meet energetic, involved, interesting people, but it can be terribly intimidating. Often, the people you will be working with already know each other, and it can feel a bit like being the new kid in school. It can bring out the agoraphobic in even the most gregarious person.

Most of the time, that phase lasts for about 5 minutes. Volunteers are friendly people. They want to know you as much as you want to know them. They already like you because they appreciate the help and they agree with you about the person or cause you are mutually supporting. Small talk is really easy with this crowd. "When did you first get involved with (candidate or cause)? Are you originally from Kansas City? Have you worked on any other campaigns?" Trust me, by the end of your shift, you will not feel like the new kid in school.

It's not too soon to get involved for the next congressional elections, and the gossip mill is starting to warm up about the council and mayoral elections campaigns, to be decided to 2011. Keep your ears open, and, if you like a particular local politician, call him or her up and say that you want to work on their next election. If you want to work on a non-incumbent's campaign, call the out-of-power party's number. Jessica Podhola is doing a great job as Executive Director of the Jackson County Democratic Party - you can reach here at 816-833-5232.

I know it's a little intimidating to get involved in a campaign, but I can assure you that it's easy to do, the work is unexciting but important, and the people are great. Believe me, election night feels entirely different when you've worked on a campaign, and, win or lose, you will feel like you've played a kind of significant role in helping Democracy work. You will have.

Sunday Poetry: The Gift Outright, by Robert Frost

The Gift Outright

The land was ours before we were the land's.
She was our land more than a hundred years
Before we were her people. She was ours
In Massachusetts, in Virginia,
But we were England's, still colonials,
Possessing what we still were unpossessed by,
Possessed by what we now no more possessed.
Something we were withholding made us weak
Until we found out that it was ourselves
We were withholding from our land of living,
And forthwith found salvation in surrender.
Such as we were we gave ourselves outright
(The deed of gift was many deeds of war)
To the land vaguely realizing westward,
But still unstoried, artless, unenhanced,
Such as she was, such as she would become.

-- Robert Frost
_____________________________

At John F. Kennedy's 1961 inauguration, an 86 year-old Robert Frost stood up to read a poem he had written for the occasion. His eyesight failed, though, in the glare reflected off the snow-covered grounds on a bright, sunny day, and he discarded his longer poem and recited, from heart, the above, much shorter, gem.

The Gift Outright is a perfect inaugural poem, for 1961 and for 2009. It starts from the beginning of America (at least as we non-Native Americans look at it), and ends in the future. It speaks of the many deeds of war - the struggles that have formed America into the country it is. Looking back at the country as it stood on that bright day in 1961, did anyone imagine "such as she was, such as she would become" a country led by an African-American man who would be born later that year?

For those of us who welcome Obama's election, Tuesday night was a long time coming, and something most of us half-suspected would be ripped from us before it would happen. We withheld our optimism, no matter what the polls told us. In a grander sense, by limiting the presidency to white males, our country has been withholding full participation to those who did not fit the profile. "Something we were withholding made us weak . . .".

Standing at the occasion of the inauguration of John F. Kennedy, Robert Frost was moved to recall these words in the bright sunshine. They were not a summation of American history, they were a redirection to the future. On the occasion of Barack Obama's election, it is difficult not to be like Robert Frost on that day, dazzled, marveling at America, "such as she was, such as she would become".

Can Funkhouser Win Again?

It's time to get real honest here, and even risk hurting a few feelings of people I like. But a few things need to get said.

Kansas City political insiders may be the most foolish batch of group-thinkers ever assembled in one town. In their world, Coffman had Kander on the ropes. Harris was the best hope against Koster (I'm not saying I'm immune). Barnes had a real chance in northern Missouri. Really, you need to spend some time at the cocktail parties to understand just how strangely out of touch some of these people are.

Now, they are saying Funkhouser is a one term Mayor. And they are saying it so confidently that it reminds me of how little chance Conventional Wisdom gave him in 2007.

In other words, it makes me suspect the inside crowd is wrong again.

First, let me acknowledge that all is not well in Funkytown. There would be serious problems if the election were to be held in the near future. But not for the reasons that have the chattering class smirking.

Funkhouser's biggest problem is the Citizen Satisfaction Survey. That is the metric that will make or break his fortune in the 2011, and right now, it is down. This paragraph from the report would be a knife through the heart of a reelection bid if it were happening today:

Kansas Citians’ satisfaction with city services declined this year, as it did in the other metropolitan area communities and large U.S. cities included as our benchmark cities. Compared to other area communities and large U.S. cities, Kansas City’s citizen satisfaction is still at or near the bottom.

If that does not turn around - if that is not simply a case of things getting worse before they get better - I hope and expect that Funkhouser would not even run again. That is the essence of the orange revolution, and if it turns out that Mark can't get make progress there (even if it isn't his fault), then the experiment has failed, and we should all try to learn from it.

(As an aside, I must point out that David Martin of the Pitch manages to look at the Survey and miss the point. He points to a decline in satisfaction with elected officials, and claims that they are Funkhouser's "approval ratings". It takes the opposite of political insight to reach such a conclusion. In fact, the average voter looks at the mess of City Hall intrigue and says "to Hell with all of them." At its worst, that statistic is bad news for all the council; at its best, it shapes up nicely for Mark to run once again as an outsider against the whiny council people who are mucking up the works. When the City Council does something stupid like the Anti-Squitiro Ordinance, Mark takes a small hit, but the members of the Council take a big hit. The infighting isn't hurting Mark as much as it is each and every incumbent. While I don't approve of the sexist "Mean Girls" label that a commenter here used, I think it reflects a growing perspective among voters.)

Another concern I have for Funkhouser's prospects is that he really has lost contact with most of the people who worked on his original campaign. I think back to the meetings we had and I cross off most of the brightest and best people I have ever seen working on a campaign. Maybe lunches with Jeff Roe are a substitute for breakfasts with Jeff Simon, but they make me queasy. Maybe a guy who made his money growing plants isn't as interesting as a crazed conspiracy theorist, but I know which one I respect. Right now, it appears that Funkhouser has decided not to dance with the ones who brung ya, and I don't like the looks of the crew on his dance card.

My final concern about Funkhouser's chances for reelection is a little fuzzier, but it's a spirit thing. The first go-round was open, fun and inclusive. Of course, it was "us versus them", but the only "them" was the TIF pigs at the trough. Now, "them" seems to be everyone but "us". "Them" now includes Cindy Circo, who I think is a darned good person. Jan Marcason is definitely "them", and, even as we disagreed through every step of the Anti-Squitiro Ordinance process, she showed the class and dignity that I think should be a model for all elected officials. I disagree with her, but I admire her - the opposite of an "us versus them" mentality. Sadly, I kind of fear that this post might put me onto the "them" team in their view, or my honest disagreement with the light rail proposal. It feels like a bunker mentality has settled in, and the exit door is getting used a lot more than the entrance. I don't see orange as the color of the next election - maybe battleship gray.

So, with all that said, how do I think that Funkhouser might be retiring from the Mayor's office in 2015 instead of 2011?

First off, let's remember that a lot can change over the next couple years. Most importantly, those citizen satisfaction numbers can change, and, if they go up, that is the most important factor in the election. Because, really, it is about a city that works, and if people think things are on the right path, then Mark will stand to benefit. Already, there is some improvement in some areas - if that improvement spreads, don't bet against Funkhouser, no matter what your political-know-it-all neighbor says.

Secondly, the only option will be another candidate, and who that candidate is will make a huge difference. Right now, the whispered candidates I've heard have huge flaws that make them unattractive representatives of the same era of profligacy we soundly rejected last time around. And, by all accounts, it will be a crowded field, which means Funkhouser will cruise through the primary on name recognition and appreciation for what has gone right. Who will be his opponent, and how bloody will he or she be after the primary?

Finally, don't forget that Funkhouser is connecting with people every day. He's holding regular town meetings, and making himself available, unfiltered, to average citizens. He's showing up on the East Side and the West Side and meeting people other than self-appointed "leaders", and, by and large, he's winning a lot of favor. Snobby insiders and the chattering class may find Funk and Squitiro to be coarse and common, but the coarse and common voters are kind of liking what they are seeing.

And that direct connection to actual voters is what infuriates the insiders more than anything. Despite the inability of the political insiders to actually demonstrate any political savvy, they like to think of themselves as arbiters of what must be. They've never forgiven Mark for defeating their annointed candidate, and their heads will explode if he does it again.

Which might be reason enough for the rest of us to support him in 2011.

Mayor Funkhouser Stands Up for What's Right - Political Courage versus Political Opportunism

Funkhouser has announced his intention to file a lawsuit seeking reversal of the Anti-Squitiro Ordinance, just as I argued that he must over a month ago. I hate to see litigation erupt, but the Council's attempt to take over the Mayor's office was a serious breach of governmental roles, and Mark's suit is important and justified not just for his own convenience, but for future councils and future mayors.

It has been mildly amusing to see pundits and observers get themselves worked up about Funkhouser's meetings at his home, when it has been obvious that Mark was simply "laying low" until after the Light Rail Election.

Of course, the expedient thing for Mark to do would be to simply set Gloria up outside the office and set her to work on a project of her choosing. Heck, if he asked her to take on elderly issues, or community health concerns, or some other topic, it would generate positive exposure for both of them. They could walk away from the pack of lies and backroom dealings that resulted in the "volunteer ordinance" and start building an invincible base of political capital for the next round of elections.

They know that. Heck, I know of at least one political coward who offered that advice.

But Mark has a lot more political courage than I do, and he's going to stand up for the structure of our city government. The council does not control the mayor, and the mayor does not control the council.

Mark is entirely capable of working under the control of the council. He did that for years as Auditor. He's great at it.

But it's not his role now, and it wasn't the council's role to pass an ordinance directing him on how to run his office. Politically, the council saw an opportunity to pick on Gloria Squitiro when she was down, and they took full advantage of that opportunity. They did what was easy and convenient and politically expedient.

Now Mark Funkhouser needs to be the grown-up who looks above the rat-pack politics of the 26th Floor and considers what is right for the future of our city. By going one way, he could join in the Council's political opportunism and make himself (and his wife) more popular than ever. By going the other way, he will expose himself (and his wife) to more hostility and frustration, but he will fulfill his responsibility to his office and to this city.

Thank God we elected a non-politician to the Mayor's office.

Dave Helling Misquotes Himself

On Wednesday, I did a brief post chiding Dave Helling for his sloppy research and factual misstatements in claiming that the turnout for the 2008 election will fall short of the turnout four years ago, in his post titled "Turnout lower than 2004?".

Yesterday, he defensively addressed the issue, and claimed that "I'll stick by my original post: While impressive, the actual 2008 turnout was not the overwhelming vote many predicted." But that's not what his original post claimed! Helling is trying to play off his blunder by backing away from his bold proclamation.

In his original post, he claimed " . . . it appears almost certain turnout for the 2008 election will fall short of the turnout four years ago, when George W. Bush beat John Kerry," and "Late returns may boost the turnout number a bit, but it appears unlikely it'll be more than 2004."

Now he's trying to pretend he only said turnout wasn't as large as expected. That's like writing a pre-season baseball article saying it is virtually certain that the Royals will win the World Series, and, at the end of the season, claiming that you are sticking with your original post that they would win a few more games than the previous year. Actually, that would be a little less egregious, in that everyone would know the baseball prognosticator was making a guess, while most people probably assumed that Dave Helling's post was based on real analysis of real numbers by someone who is paid to interpret them.

Humorously, he misquotes me, too, in a minor fashion, by claiming I said that everyone agrees with Dr. McDonald's prediction about voter turnout. I'm neither surprised nor upset by the minor misquotation, though, in light of his much more serious misquotation of himself. He got the gist of what I was saying correct, but he changed the entire import of his own post.

Meanwhile, Helling has no explanation whatsoever about the egregious factual mistake in the Star's editorial on the Storm Water Amendment.

The Important Moment - Pooh on Obama

"What do you like doing best in the world, Pooh?"

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best -- " and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.

It's morning in America, and, as inspirational as that sounds, Americans are not morning people. It's morning in America, and we're a little grumpy, we're shaking off sleep, and the dream world we had an hour ago is hard to even recall. Soon, we have to report to work.

Did Tuesday night change everything? Did it change nothing? Did it change some things? I will let more eloquent bloggers wrestle with that one.

What I know in my heart is that Obama and America have given me that important moment of which Pooh speaks. I sat in my living room jammed with friends and I was shot through with hope and gratitude and joy. It was better than having the presidency - it was the moment of knowing that America was about to put a smart, competent, up-from-welfare black man into its highest office.

Yes, of course, I know that sooner than I care to admit I will be grousing on this soap box about some ghastly mistake or decision that President Obama has made. Of course, I know that milk and honey will not flow, and money will not grow on trees. My average day for the next four years will not be markedly different than my average day for the past eight.

But I'll carry the moment for the rest of my life, and it will sustain me in moments of dark cynicism and political hopelessness. It, together with Election Night '92, when I stood in the middle of the street with a neighbor toasting a new President from Hope, Arkansas, will remind me that joyful anticipation is not crushed by grim reality - reality is made to sparkle by transcendent moments.

If you didn't feel it on Tuesday night, I'm certain we who did seem silly to you in the cold light of the morning. Perhaps, though, you've felt it at other times. I don't know what makes the blood of a Republican race, but I hope it has - perhaps when Dick Cheney shot a lawyer in the face, perhaps when Colin Powell pranked the UN, or some other moment that made you proud to be a Republican.

Having had the moment of joy, though, we're strengthened and energized for the struggles and failures ahead. Yes, if you look at how Missouri voted, I agree that we should consider changing our name to Northern Mississippi, or Alabama Without The Gulf Coast.

It's morning in America, but Tuesday was one helluva night.

Star "Analysis" Factually Mistaken Again

The Star continues to let its readers down. A little while ago, they made a vital factual error in their endorsement of the storm water amendment, and then failed to correct it after I pointed it out. (While it's certainly possible that the error was simply a mistake caused by their inability to read a somewhat complex piece of legislation, it's strange that their error diminished the main reason to vote against the amendment, and it's also strange that they failed to correct it.)

Today's flawed analysis has a less direct impact on public policy, but it's still annoying to see Dave Helling publish sloppy research and factual misstatements under the guise of "analysis". Helling makes the fascinating and somewhat deflating point that "For all the talk about enthusiastic voters and long lines at the polls, it appears almost certain turnout for the 2008 election will fall short of the turnout four years ago, when George W. Bush beat John Kerry."

Great point, Dave, but it would be even better if it weren't flat-out wrong!

Dr. Michael McDonald, of George Mason University, has been studying election turnout, and reports that the percentage turnout may be the greatest since 1908. While some experts disagree and claim that the percentage will "only" be the greatest in 40 years, informed people agree that a record number of votes has been case cast (thanks, Pitch!), far exceeding 2004.

Quick, somebody explain to me why we should assign more credibility to "journalists" like Helling than bloggers like Tony?

How to Vote Today (in order)

President: Barack Obama. Our best hope to become a positive, progressive country.

Governor: Jay Nixon. Solid competence in the Governor's Mansion.

Lieutenant Governor: Sam Page. He is freakishly well qualified for the position.

Secretary of State: Robin Carnahan. Not just the best political name in the state, she has also shown herself to be a great Secretary of State.

Treasurer: Clint Zweifel. Nerdiness is a virtue in a treasurer.

Attorney General: Chris Koster. Not because he is a Democrat, but because he will be a better Attorney General.

U.S. Representative: Emanuel Cleaver. His influence will be even greater as the Democrats expand their control in the House of Representatives.

State Representative: Jason Kander. Unopposed, which is kind of unfortunate to those of us who enjoyed watching his innovative, hard-working and clean campaign astound everyone with a huge margin of victory against two fine opponents. What would he have done against a Republican?

Prosecuting Attorney: Jim Kanatzar. Unopposed - he is doing a great job.

Sheriff: Mike Sharp. The general election has been as low-key as the primary was heated. Mike will do a competent job and seek advice from good people.

Judicial Ballot. Retain each of them. They really are good judges, focused on applying law to facts and not getting caught up in party politics. They are a demonstration of the strength and virtues of the Missouri Plan. (By the way, as a Democrat, it could be argued that I should be urging that you vote against the judges who happen to be Republican, on the theory that a Democratic governor could appoint judges more to my liking as replacements. But those of us who support the Missouri Plan want good judges, not political cronies - not even our political cronies.)

Constitutional Amendment #1: No. This "English-only" proposal is not only unnecessary, un-American and hateful, it puts all of us in danger.

Constitutional Amendment #4: No. This technical amendment is the subject of a stealth campaign run by the wealthy interests seeking $20 million of our tax dollars. The KC Star has resorted to blatantly lying about what the Amendment even says. If you ever need an example of Missouri political corruption, this sneaky theft will serve.

Proposition A: No. The casino interests have lied to us from the moment they set their view on siphoning the money of Missourians to gaming corporations. They agreed to loss limits, and they are making plenty of money with them. Their cynical use of schools to cover their immoral behavior is despicable.

Proposition B: Yes. Improved home health care and improved working conditions for the people who deliver it. Only a knucklehead or someone who is making money off the status quo could vote against it.

Proposition C: Yes. Let's get Missouri out in front of the renewable energy industrial revolution. A tiny investment that could pay huge dividends.

Light Rail: No. I sympathize with those who think we need to do something, but this is the wrong thing to do. We cannot afford to blow a billion bucks on a starter line that will take too few people too few places, without any plan to make it into a robust rail system.