The "K" to Become "KC" - Barnes and Sanders Team Up!

The announcement of Kay Barnes as the choice to head up a Jackson County Charter Review Task Force didn't attract much notice, but it could be the most significant event for Kansas City political insiders since Tom Pendergast started selling concrete.

A task force to review the Jackson County Charter sounds like an innocuous, perhaps even dull, assignment for a woman who once spent her days being chauffeured to ribbon-cuttings at taxpayer-financed boondoggles that profited her closest friends. Term limits forced her out of that cushy gig, much to the disappointment of her entourage of developers and real estate lawyers. A subsequent attempt to take her game to the next level by seeking access to the even larger federal dollar pot resulted in a bruising defeat and a nightmarish couple years spent north of the river, miles from the Country Club Plaza.

"Kay and I met one day when she accidentally visited Independence, thinking she would find the headquarters of The Independent, Kansas City's Journal of Society," Jackson County Executive Mike Sanders recounted.

"I saw my opportunity to solve some of the County's real estate problems - namely, the fact that the City has begun to realize that they have no obligation to donate $2,000,000 to the stadiums. Kay has demonstrated a real knack for sticking Kansas City taxpayers with outrageous financial obligations, and that is exactly what I wanted to accomplish."

While the Jackson County Charter Review Commission has yet to hold its first meeting, big changes are already afoot. Barnes is taking a fresh approach to the task, using the opportunity to use the County's governing document to alter some fundamental relationships.

Kay Barnes beamed with excitement as she announced the most visible change. "From now on, the 'K' will be called the 'KC'!," she proclaimed from behind a humongous flower.

While many in the audience assumed that the name was being changed to reflect a more active role for Kansas City, her posse of developers and real estate lawyers were quick to correct the mistake.

"'Kauffman Stadium' will now officially be called 'Kauffman-Cordish' Stadium, and the stadium complex will henceforth be part of the Power and Light District," former City Manager Wayne Cauthen announced. "I had never actually read the contracts between the City and Cordish, but it turns out that instead of promising free parking, like Kay and I told people it did, it actually gave Cordish the rights to use taxpayer funds to directly take over local businesses instead of slowly driving them out of business. Who knew?"

Of course, once Cordish takes over the site, Kansas City taxpayers will be on the hook for all the risk but none of the profit. "That's the way it works," former Mayor Barnes explained. "We're already paying $12 million this year for P&L, up from $4 million last year. What's another few million dollars? The snow on the streets will be melted by the time baseball season starts."

The deal will have a major impact on the management of the Royals baseball team, as well. CEO David Glass made the announcement that Steve Glorioso, longtime aide to Kay Barnes, will be joining Royals management as Revenge Coach.

"For years we've focused on Offense and Defense, but it hasn't worked out very well for us. When we saw how Mr. Glorioso handled the defeat of his chosen candidates in the Mayoral and Congressional elections, we realized we were missing out on an important facet of the complete game. From now on, whenever a team defeats us, we will focus on attacking them, their families, and their supporters. We will contact other teams in the league to badmouth the victors, and then we will badmouth those teams when it suits us." Glorioso chimed in, "Do you know what kind of cars opposing players drive? Do you know that some of them talk to their wives about the games??"

When asked why they were hiring Mr. Glorioso instead of someone with a better track record of success, Mr. Glass explained, "Jeff Roe was already talking to the Yankees, and Steve pointed to his experience."

Critics pointed to a looming problem with the concept of Cordish ownership of the the stadium. A reporter from a small newspaper raised the question - "What will those money-loving #### do when black athletes show up in athletic apparel?"

Cordish was not yet prepared to respond to the issue. "We're at least two task forces and a committee away from figuring out what to do with the dress code issue," Mayor Funkhouser replied. "Until we get it resolved, we will expect all athletes to play in proper 'club' attire."

As the press conference came to a close, Anne McGregor showed up in the parking lot with a few paid petitioners in an attempt to "Recall the Umpire". Upon hearing that there was no legal basis to recall the umpire, she explained that the umpire is the least popular person on the field, and that she felt compelled to try to score a few political points off the opportunity. "Even when - I mean if - I fail again to get the right number of legitimate signatures, I can get some publicity for my effort. Oh, and I'm supposed to say 'Stop the nonsense' - my sponsors pay me money every time I say that!"

In a final note, Cordish announced that the Kansas City Royals Hall of Fame will be broadening its scope. "When we came to Kansas City, the first thing we did was bring in Minneapolis barbecue to replace Lil' Jake's. We want to bring a certain bland homogeneity to all cities, and we see no reason that the Kansas City Royals Hall of Fame should feature Kansas City Royals. We'll be replacing the George Brett statue with a Kirby Puckett statue on opening day," a nameless company spokesperson recited. "The Johnson Countians we're hoping to attract probably won't notice the difference."

Sunday Poetry: There once was a man from Nantucket . . ., by the Editors of the Princeton Tiger

Limerick

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

- by the Princeton Tiger (1924)
___________________________________

It's the week of St. Patrick's Day, and it's as good a time as any to talk about Limericks. Often bawdy, and usually humorous, limericks are an example of a poetic form working with humor to make something memorable. The example above is a classic, printed in 1924 by the Princeton Tiger and drawing responses from other newspapers. The creative tension of the above poem comes from a rhyme which does not get stated - the reader waits for another "ucket" rhyme that never comes.

Often, the unmentionable does, in fact, get stated, and that is part of the fun. Clean limericks appear in childrens' books and bawdy ones draw a laugh in raucous bars.

I won't go into a lengthy recitation of the history of the lyric, except to observe that Edward Lear's reputation far outstrips his talent (he often repeats the first rhyme), and that St. Patrick's week is a fine occasion to try writing a few of your own.

Funkhouser Controls Weather

At first, I thought that the claim published on a local blog that Mayor Funkhouser's street received extra attention during the recent snowpocalypse was simply more of the same uninformed, thoughtless, baseless criticism that has been voiced by malcontents and power-deprived real estate attorneys throughout his administration.

Boy, was I mistaken. Using the powerful research tools available on the web, I conducted a thorough investigation of the topic. Sure enough, this is what I found:


This is a genuine Google earth photograph of the Mayor's street which I downloaded this very morning, after shoveling 6 inches of powder out of my own driveway. The work of the city crews in cleaning not only the street, but the sidewalks, lawns and trees is impressive.

Even more upsetting, here is a snapshot showing the impact of the snowfall on the limos of the lawyers running against him:

Harris Wilder Campaigning for Funkhouser?

The first campaign promise of the 2011 mayoral election has been issued, and it comes from somebody not even running. According to Tony's Kansas City, Harris Wilder has promised to leave Kansas City if Mayor Mark Funkhouser wins reelection in 2011.

Close observers will note that this is not the first time that Mr. Wilder has offered crucial support to the Mayor. When this summer's recall effort failed by a few hundred votes to force an election, it was none other than Harris Wilder who delivered essential complacency to the effort, assuring people that the effort was going to be a ringing success.

Demonstrating his wry and subtle sense of humor, Wilder asserted that a vote for Funkhouser would show that "the voters of Kansas City admit that they don't care about the budget". As treasurer of the recall effort, he somehow generated $33,000 of debt while bringing in only $1,175 in contributions. While Kay Barnes and the developer-funded prior city council managed to spend the our city into a fiscal crisis with larger numbers, Wilder wins hands-down when it comes to percentages.

(All joking aside, Mr. Wilder deserves sincere appreciation for both his passion for his causes - however much I may occasionally think them ill-chosen - and for his willingness to freely speak his mind. I wish him and all who read this a fulfilling 2010.)

Why Pets?

According to her Facebook status, a blog friend was recently bloodied and lacerated by an animal she feeds. Another friend reported that she is constantly sporting puncture wounds and scratches from animals she is rescuing. Yet another bends her social calendar so that she can rush home to tend to two humongous animals that, if not watched, will steal her food from her kitchen counter with four feet on the ground.

Folks, there's something wrong with humans, and pets are proof.

Why would someone allow an animal to wound her, and then feed it? Do you think lions would find a human baby in the wild, decide it's cute, and keep it around the pride for its entire lifetime, feeding it and paying its medical bills? Where's the reciprocity?

I grew up as a dog lover, and I still like dogs, but it's not a close friendship anymore. When your dog jumps on me (or worse), or slobbers on me, or tries to talk me into grabbing a moistened tennis ball - I start deducting points from your assumed IQ.

Twink, Brandy and Bummer - dogs I spent my youth with - were fine companions, but that was in an age before video games and cable. Training a dog to sit still while I place a treat on its nose and hold it until I said "okay", yeah, that was a power rush, but surely there's an iPhone app for that. An app that won't wake you up in the middle of the night because it needs to go outside in 0 degree weather, or get sick on your pillow.

Why do seemingly intelligent friends open their homes to barely-domesticated animals that attack them and cost them money? Why do they arrange their schedules for the convenience of an animal that won't even allow them to sleep late without getting up and letting them make fecal deposits in their yard - fecal deposits which the owner will need to pick up or otherwise deal with?

Just think about that. If, after a wonderful, mind-blowingly romantic and sexy date, your companion took a dump in your bedroom, and then stood there looking at you with a "so what?" look on his or her face, and expected you to put a nice meal in a bowl for him or her, what would your reaction be? But that's acceptable behavior for a creature who will never buy you a nice birthday present, or pay half the cost of your mortgage?

Photography Tips for Black Professionals, and a Lengthy Digression on the Nature of Friendship

I had lunch yesterday with one of my African-American friends. Yes, that's a plural. I really do have more than one African-American friend, depending on how you define friend.

Important Digression: I mean, really, the line between friend and acquaintance gets kind of blurry, and the term "friend" depends on context. If a given person gets indicted or says something controversial, s/he is more likely to be an acquaintance than a friend. "Yeah, I know him/her," I'll say, with a roll of my eyes to make certain that the person knows that my disapproval of the person started long before the current brouhaha.

I realize that makes me sound disloyal. In my defense, I should point out that I am also a pathetic "basker in reflected fame". I went to high school with a guy a couple years behind me I still consider to be my friend on the PGA tour, though we only talked a few times over 30 years ago, and never since. But, still, Jay Delsing is my "friend on the Tour".

Similarly, I consider a lot of politicos to be friends, which may be misguided. City Councilpeople wave at me and smile, and, even though I couldn't come up with the names of their spouses or children if you offered me a thousand dollars to guess. There's one politician who refuses to allow me to be her facebook friend after I wrote something nice about the candidate she beat by a 60 point margin, so I suppose I rank somewhere below the 880 closer friends she has on Facebook. But we have 99 mutual friends, so I still consider her to be in my friendship circle. Politicians usually try to be everybody's friend, but it's unwise to read too much into it.

It's all very confusing. I've seen a definition somewhere that a friend is someone who will bail you out of jail, while a great friend is the person sitting next to you saying, "That was awesome." I like to think I have a reasonable number of people who would bail me out of jail, but most of them have better judgment than to wind up there with me. When I think of sitting in jail, I tend to think of Henry Rizzo and James Tindall sitting next to me, talking about COMBAT funding . . .

I tend to run with a broad definition of "friend". Someone toward whom I have friendly feelings, and whom I am happy to see when I run into them. By that standard, almost everyone is my friend, including the guy I had lunch with. And a bunch of other minority people, too, so there!

Anyhow, one of the things we wound up discussing was the frequency with which black professionals get photographed. He reported that he appears on virtually every promotional piece put out by his large company. Similarly, he participates in virtually every client acquisition meeting, often held at exclusive clubs his parents would not have been allowed into.

The urge to put the black guy forward is not limited to the world of commerce. The teabaggers are now pushing a movie about themselves, and the trailer is a classic example of making certain that the black guy gets photographed to make the rest of the people seem more diverse. Like Ralph Ellison's Liberty Paint Factory, the white looks a little better when a touch of black is mixed in. So one black guy makes it into 5 shots.

It occurs to me that it can't be easy to serve in the role of "Photographic Symbol Showing that the Rest of Us are Cool with Diversity" (hereinafter, PSSRUCD). Not only can the flash of cameras disorient a person, but s/he is needs to make the most of his/her opportunity to diversify the shot.

For instance, given the number of flashes the PSSRUCD is exposed to, it may be tempting to don a pair of sunglasses, to ease the eyestrain. Bad idea. Sunglasses make you look cool and detached, but we need the appearance of friendly engagement. Ixnay on the shades.

A more subtle point is that you need to avoid being in the center of any group photo. This may seem a little counterintuitive, because, after all, you are the reason the photo is being taken, but having you centered in the photo makes the photo seem posed. So be careful to pose it differently.

Most importantly, always look at the camera! Looking off camera makes us think you might be casing the joint (remember, we wouldn't have even let you in a lot of these places if it weren't for all that deseg nastiness). Worse, you could be gazing at a white woman. Play it safe, look at the camera, and be the best PSSRUCD you can be.

You may notice that a lot of white guys, when approached by a photographer while drinking, will ease their drink-holding glass behind their back. Don't try this. When we do it, it looks like we're hiding a drink. When you do it, it looks like you might be reaching for a weapon. The fear on everyone else's face will ruin the shot, and, if you do it quickly, there's a chance everyone will hit the floor. PSSRUCDs should simply set their drinks down on a table, and return to the photo. Trust me, people will wait for you.

Finally, a word on the expression. Sometimes it can be challenging to maintain the friendly smile of a top-notch PSSRUCD when the rest of us try out best to engage you in conversation. It may get old to be asked whether you played sports in college, or to be asked what you think about Bill Cosby, or to be congratulated on Obama's victory, but those are the best ice-breakers most of us white professionals can come up with. But too many photos are ruined by a shadow of contempt or an eye-roll passing over your face as you are posing with some pasty white old guy who happens to control the business we are after. So much depends on the friendly smile of the PSSRUCD. Please make it happen.

The Kids are Alright

One of the inalienable rights - no, essential duties - of teenagers is to annoy authority figures.

In Massachusetts, a prinicipal has banned the word "meep". It seems that students at Danvers High began using the meaningless word coined by Beaker, the Muppet lab assistant, to add a little levity to their daily grind.

Nothing bothers administrators quite as much as young people engaging in levity. To put a stop to their levicity, the principal sent out an automated phone call to all the parents warning them that if their levicious offspring dared to use the word "meep", s/he would be SUSPENDED.

My hat is off to the students of Danvers High School. They got under the skin of their principal, and caused him to issue a red-faced warning that made him look like a sputtering twit. Bravo.

Got a Soccer Player in the Family?

When I grew up, it was fuzz ball and street hockey in the alley behind Bobby Parres' and Tom Toczylowski's house. Home when the streetlights came on.

Nowadays, it's paid coaches and specialization. Supervision is multi-layered and intrusive.

Thank goodness a blog has found the humor in it all. "FullRideSoon" chronicles the world of a soccer mom supporting her little athletes on their quest for the glory. If only my parents were more like her, I may have become a successful athlete (at some sport that does not require speed or coordination).

Stereotyped!

I got on the elevator yesterday, and was joined by an African-American man roughly my own age. He looked my middle-aged, middle-class white self over, gave an understanding smile, and said, "Too bad about the Springsteen show getting canceled, huh?".

Parental Controls Don't Work - Video Games Try Parental Fear-Mongering

Go read about the new racing game's "No Seat Belt" option at Hardcasual.net.

Home Sick - My Daughter Tries to Kill Me

Feel like crap, fever, coughing, headache. And my daughter sends me this link: Greg Rutter's Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You're a Loser or Old or Something.

It hurts to laugh, but I can see how the rest of my morning will be going . . .

SUNDAY SHOCKER - Squitiro Taking Over as Chiefs Head Coach

On the Sunday before the Super Bowl, new Chiefs General Manager Scott Pioli shook up City Hall and Arrowhead Stadium by announcing that Gloria Squitiro will be replacing Herm Edwards as Head Coach of the Chiefs, effective immediately. "Squitiro knows how to make things happen in Kansas City," Pioli explained, "and she's not welcome at her first choice of workspaces, so I thought we should let her try her hand at coaching a football team."

Ed Ford, of course, was the first to criticize. "She has no experience!", he shouted from the back of the room, where nobody had been paying attention to him. Pioli replied that Herm Edwards had plenty of experience, and "look where that got us." Clark Hunt chimed in that Ed Ford really ought to spend at least a little time doing something other than attacking the Mayor and his wife, but Ed Ford shook off the suggestion. "I paid Pat Gray good money to conduct a 'push poll', and I want my money's worth. If I don't have Gloria to attack at City Hall, somebody might start asking why I haven't accomplished anything."

The traditional media were in a state of shock. Steve Kraske and Deanne Smith were seen sadly handing over thick files to Jason Whitlock and Joe Posnanski, and CJ Janovy was rumored to be in despair. "Squitiro was Janovy's muse. CJ managed to create a cover story out of nothing but snark and Photoshop," a source from within the very quiet Pitch newsroom whispered. "I gotta go and empty the trash now."

In her first address to the team, Squitiro was clearly relaxed and in her element. "You big lugs," she shouted, "you've probably heard a lot about me. Most of it's not true, but losers like to talk. I like to get results. If I took a funny-looking, dour accountant and ran a campaign that made him Mayor, it will be easy to take a 2-14 group of losers like you to the Super Bowl. Alvin Brooks was a helluva lot tougher to beat than the San Diego Chargers, I tell ya. From now on, we're wearing orange!", she shouted, and then murmured, "and I'll be attending your team physicals, too." The players squirmed a little upon hearing that.

One of the Chiefs players, speaking under condition of anonymity, seemed pretty pleased with the choice. "Sure, she hasn't coached before, but she never worked in a Mayor's office before, either. She's smart, aggressive, and not afraid to say what's on her mind. I think she might fit into the NFL even better than she did City Hall."

Brandon Clark, a skycap at the Kansas City Airport, was enthusiastic about Squitiro's new role. "I've seen her stand up for herself when she thought the officiating was questionable, and she will dominate the sidelines."

Contacted at her Northland home, Frances Semler remained bitter about her experience with the City. "I just hope she takes a hard look at that Gonzalez guy!" she shouted, before slamming the door on a reporter.

Clark Hunt seemed especially thrilled with the salary negotiations. "She works for free!", he exclaimed. "That frees up lots of money to spend on draft picks. And I think she might be able to convince Funk that city support for the Jackson County Sports Complex should keep on flowing. Can't get much further East Side in Kansas City than Arrowhead Stadium, so keep that money flowing."

Jan Marcason expressed frustration that Squitiro had circumvented her anti-Volunteer Ordinance. "Volunteers are bad people," she complained. "We need to find a way to regulate everyone who works for free in this city, especially Gloria Squitiro. Ed Ford suggested in one of those famous backroom meetings that I should have named my ordinance the anti-Gloria ordinance, and included a provision that told her to stay in her house at all times, but I didn't listen to him because I wanted to make it look like I was spending time on something that wasn't so mean-spirited and foolish. I guess he was right. Mean-spirited and foolish isn't really unusual on this Council."

Mayor Mark Funkhouser seemed happy with the turn of events. "I'll be spending most of my office hours at Arrowhead Stadium now, rather than my house in Brookside. It's more convenient for the residents of the East Side, and I'll be holding Town Hall meetings at the Stadium on a weekly basis."

Wayne Cauthen was unavailable for comment on the news. He was busy negotiating with Cordish to give them the parking concession for Arrowhead, in exchange for a handful of promises.

"This is a great time for the Kansas City Chiefs franchise," Scott Pioli gushed. "Gloria Squitiro has watched her husband try to lead 12 Council members at a time, and he's made some great plays, like the New Tools initiative, a better budget and an economic development policy, and he's made a few bad calls, too. Like a football coach, he has done it by empowering the members of the Council to make the right plays. Now, Gloria gets to try to manage 11 players on the field at a time, and accomplish her goals through them. It ought to come easy to her. She can trade the ones that aren't doing their jobs, but Funk doesn't get to do that."

(UPDATE!: I received a gentle and good-natured email from the fine folks over at FuKCed City, who pointed out that this post bears more than a passing similarity to their post of a little more than a month ago entitled "BREAKING NEWS: One Arrowhead Shocker!" and reporting that Gloria Squitiro was becoming the team's General Manager. All I can say is if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, they should feel incredibly flattered. I can't even deny that I read the piece when it was posted - I read all their posts, because they're great. It must have stuck in the back of my mind, and come out in a more wordy and less original form. My apologies to the crew over at FuKCed City, and, if you haven't bookmarked them yet, add them to your list of regular reads.)

Put Gitmo in KCMO - Budget Problems solved!

"Intelligent, well-intentioned" Kansas Citians (and the rest of us, too) are facing an $85 million collar budgetary shortfall in the upcoming year. Meanwhile, the Obama administration is trying to close down the Guantanamo Bay prison, and relocate the prisoners. Also meanwhile, the County and City are in talks about merging their prison, but wondering where they will find the money.

Does it really take an apparently unintelligent, poorly-intentioned person like me to tie this all together?

Bring the terrorists to Kansas City! Get federal dollars to build a brand-spanking new prison facility in Swope Park to house everyone from hardened terrorists to housing code scofflaws. This project would have access to the kind of black-budget, military/industrial complex dollars that would make Halliburton executives twitchy. I'm talking big time stuff. Obama has made a global promise to close Gitmo, so we have him over a barrel. Money will not be an object. Dare to dream.

After construction, we have the benefit of long-term, high-paying jobs. How long is the "Global War on Terror" going to last? Given that terrorism, the enemy, has been with us for countless generations, I think we would be wise to anchor our economy on an industry that has even more staying power than greeting cards and pick-up trucks. Flocks of the nation's best and most highly-trained prison guards and, umm, "inquisitors" (think Jack Bauer) would relocate to Kansas City. Our paltry $85 million shortfall would disappear quicker than the permanent Republican majority.

Think about the spin-off effects. Hundreds of hard-core, bad-ass prison guards living around Swope Park. Do you really think that the Kansas City gangs will survive the influx of new residents accustomed to dealing with al-Qaeda? Our penny-ante "tough guys" will flee the city when they realize they have zero street cred in a city that houses the big time.

Some may be wondering why I suggested placing the facility in Swope Park. Of course, the focus on east side development is a part of it, but there's an even better reason. The Zoo.

We have a facility already build that is designed to keep lions, tigers, kangaroos, gorillas and even birds caged in. It would be the perfect Prison Yard, and finally generate the kind of visitor traffic the thing needs to survive. (Technically, putting prisoners on display violates the Geneva Conventions, but, in the face of an economic meltdown for Kansas City, I see what Alberto Gonzales meant when he called the conventions "quaint", and, really, putting the prisoners on display will prevent them from being tortured. Isn't displaying them the lesser of two evils? Especially when you figure in the tourist dollars?)

I know, I know, that some wimps are going to whine that having such dangerous people in our fair city is dangerous. Already, the Senators of Kansas and California are whining about how terrible it would be to put the alleged terrorists in their midst.

Gutless NIMBY punks. Missourians are made of sterner stuff.

Even if we weren't, we're pretty well situated to remain safe from terrorist prison breaks. They can't get to us by sea. If they want to come by air, they have to fly over hundreds or thousands of miles of our air space, and we have Whiteman Air Force Base practically next door to scramble the jets. If they come by land, Missouri is situated so they have to go through multiple states' jurisdictions to get to us, so countless jurisdictions will get a crack at them before they even get here. Go ahead and take a look at the 8 states that border us. While I abhor the thought of racial profiling, do you really think that terrorists from Wherever-istan aren't going to stand out on their road trip here? Especially if they raise suspicions by eschewing McRib sandwiches on their highway stops?

It's crunch time for Kansas City, and innovative solutions are necessary. Even if Yael Abouhalkah does not list me among the intelligent and well-intentioned citizens of Kansas City, I'm determined to do my best.

Put the Gitmo in KCMO!

Wizards Holding Open Tryouts

It's the stuff of dreams.

Last spring, two amateurs showed up at Swope Park for open tryouts with the Kansas City Wizards, and made the team. By the season's end, one of them was a starter.

Tryouts this year are March 7-8. If you want to give it a shot, sign up here. But don't underestimate that middle-aged guy playing midfield. I may be uncoordinated, but I am deceptively slow . . .

Free Political Advice Pays Off

Back in August, I was the first to sound the warning that Beth Low's seat in Missouri's General Assembly was in danger. Thanks to my sage advice, she started up a web page and managed to prevail in an 83-17% nail-biter.

Vincent Gauthier Can Kiss My Fine White . . .

T-shirt.

I've only met the guy once or twice, and everyone says he's a great guy, but Monday's post on the Pitch's Plog convinced me that he may be the source of the type of small-minded fashion intolerance that has dogged my days ever since my mother arbitrarily told me I couldn't wear striped shirts with plaid shorts.

Here's the part of the posting that torqued my tidy whities -

It was at this point that Gauthier blew my mind – he made me aware of a style faux pas that I’d never even thought to be annoyed by. “I don’t like when guys wear polo shirts unbuttoned so their white t-shirts show underneath,” he said. “That’s why you wear v-necks – so it doesn’t show.” He pulled down the collar of his shirt to show the v-neck artfully hidden underneath.

Gauthier bet me a beer that the guy with his back to us in a neighboring booth was committing the visible-undershirt sin. Sure enough, he was, and after a quick glance around Bo Ling’s we counted half a dozen more men with the same issue. Great. Now I owe Gauthier a beer and I have a new grievance with menswear.

What?!?!?!

Who says I can't wear regular t-shirts under polo shirts?!?!?

I can tell you right now, I'm not going to run out and buy a whole new set of t-shirts just so Vincent Gauthier and Nadia Pflaum aren't offended by the glaring white of the top of my t-shirt. Uh-uh, not gonna happen.

And, from the sounds of things at Bo-Ling's that day, the vast majority of men agree with me on this. Let's stick together on this, guys - we can nip this one in the bud if none of us starts buckling to this freshly-minted attempt to tell us what to wear.

Today, the Gauthier Rule on t-shirts is only a personal quirk, with no force to make us conform. Already, it's gained one proponent, in the form of a Pitch writer who runs around town taking pictures of people because of their "sense of style". It could spread easily - those of us with daughters know that middle-aged guys are presumed guilty of fashion faux pas.

Why I Blog

Because skateboarding is not an option . . .


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