Friday, December 11, 2009

Why Pets?

According to her Facebook status, a blog friend was recently bloodied and lacerated by an animal she feeds. Another friend reported that she is constantly sporting puncture wounds and scratches from animals she is rescuing. Yet another bends her social calendar so that she can rush home to tend to two humongous animals that, if not watched, will steal her food from her kitchen counter with four feet on the ground.

Folks, there's something wrong with humans, and pets are proof.

Why would someone allow an animal to wound her, and then feed it? Do you think lions would find a human baby in the wild, decide it's cute, and keep it around the pride for its entire lifetime, feeding it and paying its medical bills? Where's the reciprocity?

I grew up as a dog lover, and I still like dogs, but it's not a close friendship anymore. When your dog jumps on me (or worse), or slobbers on me, or tries to talk me into grabbing a moistened tennis ball - I start deducting points from your assumed IQ.

Twink, Brandy and Bummer - dogs I spent my youth with - were fine companions, but that was in an age before video games and cable. Training a dog to sit still while I place a treat on its nose and hold it until I said "okay", yeah, that was a power rush, but surely there's an iPhone app for that. An app that won't wake you up in the middle of the night because it needs to go outside in 0 degree weather, or get sick on your pillow.

Why do seemingly intelligent friends open their homes to barely-domesticated animals that attack them and cost them money? Why do they arrange their schedules for the convenience of an animal that won't even allow them to sleep late without getting up and letting them make fecal deposits in their yard - fecal deposits which the owner will need to pick up or otherwise deal with?

Just think about that. If, after a wonderful, mind-blowingly romantic and sexy date, your companion took a dump in your bedroom, and then stood there looking at you with a "so what?" look on his or her face, and expected you to put a nice meal in a bowl for him or her, what would your reaction be? But that's acceptable behavior for a creature who will never buy you a nice birthday present, or pay half the cost of your mortgage?

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Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

I couldn't agree more. I've never understood the whole pet thing.

If I enjoyed being greeted at the door by an agitated, slobbering, needy creature demanding that I drop what I'm doing and give it immediate attention, I'd probably still be married.

12/11/2009 9:25 AM  
Anonymous Nick said...

Ah....that last 'graph almost reads like...uh...well...i don't know; setting the scene with an image of romantic and sexy dates, then directly nipping our heels afterward with similar animal behavior is...uh...ahem...well, i'm sure you understand...

12/11/2009 10:20 AM  
Blogger Average Jane said...

I can't explain why, but I absolutely love cats. And it's not as though most of the scratches I end up with aren't my own fault. Cats and kittens are playful and if you don't keep their claws clipped, they'll get you.

12/11/2009 11:50 AM  
Blogger m.v. said...

I wake up every night to the sounds of cat scratching, crapping and/or puking. I didn't even want the damn thing. I don't mind it and sometimes enjoy the pet, but when she croaks there won't be another pet in my life. It may be another 10 years times 7 or however long cats live on gourmet food.The whole pet industry is a giant scam,they breed the animals and then make money at every turn from birth to death.Then they dump what's left at the shelter,who then have to beg for money just so they can give it back to the industry- vets,pet food, pet everything, pet sitting, pet crap pick up, you name it. Hopefully the Japanese perfect their robot pets very soon.

12/11/2009 12:04 PM  
Blogger Hyperblogal said...

Don't forget Romulus and Remus were suckled by a she wolf... so reverse care has occurred.

12/11/2009 4:21 PM  
Blogger I Travel for JOOLS said...

My dog licks the water off my legs when I get out of the shower so I don't have to towel dry them. That saves the energy of a washer and dryer. It's called going green.

Don't get any funny ideas. He's a short dog.

12/11/2009 5:15 PM  
Blogger Jeffrey said...

Dogs or burglars. Cats or mice. Choices. No urban core life for us without the hounds. All rescues, though, and I do hate the whole industry.

My mom let us walk around the neighborhood at will, to get us out of the house, to walk off whatever hissy fit, but always said, "take the dog." A great dane, larger than ourselves. We had lots of time to ourselves, fairly safely.

Trick for keeping dogs or cats from messing with your morning... Don't ever feed them first thing when you get up, so those things aren't related.

12/12/2009 8:34 PM  
Blogger MountainTime said...

Although I have a dog, he does not crap in my bedroom - or anywhere but outdoors, for that matter! That last paragraph was one of the funniest things I have ever read!

12/13/2009 11:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dan, you'll understand when i say this, that my sweet mini dachsund is closer to me than many friends/acquaintances, and a lot more comforting to be around! The occasional indiscretion on her part is NOTHING compared to the joy she's given me for the last going-on-ten years! But I know you understand that! This girl is all for "puppy love"! LOL

12/16/2009 1:48 PM  

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