Monday, February 11, 2008

Sick at Home

I do my best not to be too much of a whiner. Except when I'm sick - I crumble like a house of cards when my temperature "soars" above 98.8. My real symptoms are dwarfed by the imagined aches and pains and headaches. I'm pretty certain that my fever is being reported in Celsius, and that I'm really in danger of igniting. I don't get sick often, but, oh, when I do, it's a medical spectacle.

Today, I'm on my death bed at home. Unbelievably, my wife went to work, leaving me to perish alone. She hasn't even called for a home nurse, and I was forced to struggle through the complicated task of microwaving my own lunch. (Chicken soup, of course.)

This may be my final blog post. I just took my temperature (as I have approximately ever 20 minutes since waking up) and it is now in triple digits. Yes, 100.0. It's unlikely that I will survive - I wish you all well. Would 6 very strong people please volunteer to be my pallbearers? It's not going to be an easy job . . .



Anonymous AF said...

Poor wittle Dan. =)

2/11/2008 1:54 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Based solely on the anonymous comments here, I don't think there will be any shortage of volunteers to bear you away. LOL!

Oh, and you want to spike that chicken soup with some straight bourbon.

Then wash it down with a little more bourbon.

Stay on that regimen until you feel better or just don't give a shit anymore.

2/11/2008 2:07 PM  
Blogger Melinda said...

If you'd stop hanging out with Spyder when she's sick, then you wouldn't be sick!

I heartily second XO's comment, though my drink would be a girlie chocolate martini or nuts and berries - no matter what, just keep drinking until you don't care. It works wonders.

Hope you feel better soon.

2/11/2008 2:15 PM  
Anonymous travel said...

Good luck. I've had this crud for a week and I'm still not fully recovered.

I recommend hot tea with Brandy and lemon. At least you'll forget you're sick.

2/11/2008 2:57 PM  
Blogger Kanga said...

Spyder tried today, but she went home after lunch. I will relay the HSWG "cure." Thanks, XO!

2/11/2008 3:26 PM  
Blogger Spyder said...

Before I head to bed I have a question. Dan, You're not mixing oral & anal thermometers are you?

Taking Nyquil & going to bed now.

2/11/2008 3:36 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

You DO know how to tell the difference between the two don't you?

It's the taste.

2/11/2008 4:05 PM  
Blogger whistleblower said...

Will you shut up and die already?

As far as pallbearers. I'm in. Who needs six? For the right cause, I'll have the strength to do it myself. I'm also still pretty fast. Wouldn't want to waste any time.

Just kidding!
Get well soon. I think XO has provided you with the best medical advise available. Just don't go out in the cold after drinking the bourbon.

Thermometers... In my house it's easy. I don't own anything that is intended to be put in my butt...

"not that there's anything wrong with that" -Seinfeld

2/11/2008 4:36 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Sorry to hear you're sick. Hope you're starting to feel better.

2/12/2008 8:10 AM  
Anonymous Paco said...

There is an old song, Polka I think:
"In heaven, there is no beer.
That's why we drink it here.
And when we're all gone from here,
Our friends will be drinking all the the beer."

Will you make sure to put me in your will for the beer currently in the kegs?

Hope you feel better.

2/12/2008 8:33 AM  
Blogger les said...


Not that there's anything wrong with that.

2/12/2008 8:47 AM  

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