Sunday, April 23, 2006


Purity Balls. I know, it sounds like some kind of vasectomy joke, but, unfortunately, it's a ritual that some Conservative Christians and Republican fundraisers are promoting.
"How can you measure the value of your eleven year old looking up into your eyes (as you clumsily learn the fox-trot together) with innocent, uncontainable joy, saying, 'Daddy, I'm so excited!' wrote Wesley Tullis in a letter describing his grateful participation. 'I have been involved with the Father-Daughter Ball for two years with my daughters, Sarah and Anna. It is impossible to convey what I have seen in their sweet spirits, their delicate, forming souls, as their daddy takes them out for their first, big dance. Their whole being absorbs my loving attention, resulting in a radiant sense of self-worth and identity. Think of it from their perspective: My daddy thinks I'm beautiful in my own unique way. My daddy is treating me with respect and honor. My daddy has taken time to be silly, and even made a fool of himself, learning how to dance. My daddy really loves me!"

I can understand why the little girls would want to do this. It's a chance to dress up and spend time with their father. If it were for another purpose, it might be sweet. But this is what that little girl is reading to her father from that card:

I pledge to remain sexually pure...until the day I give myself as a wedding gift to my husband. ... I know that God requires this of me.. that he loves me. and that he will reward me for my faithfulness.

And this is what Daddy says in turn:

I, (daughter’s name)’s father, choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband and father. I will be a man of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over my daughter and as the high priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come.

He's the "high priest" in his home. Are we getting the picture?
Read more here if you have a strong stomach.


Anonymous travelingal said...

I don't understand your concern. A priest is a spiritual leader. What is wrong with that? In this case, the pledge is based in Christianity. What is wrong with that? Furthermore, this is about a choice. What is wrong with that? Fathers and mothers have a right to raise their children the way they wish within the law. What is wrong with that? Why are you surprised that it's being promoted by conservative Christians? Do you really expect they would promote sexual promiscuity for their children? I suspect the term "high priest" conjures up some despicable image for you, but I fail to see any evidence of that.

4/23/2006 12:07 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

Anybody that obsessed with his daughter's virginity as to pressure her into a pledge at age 11 is simply a sicko. In my humble opinion, of course. Yes, they have that legal right. I suspect, however, that the attempt to "cover" their daughters will cause more of a backlash than they expect.

You totally misunderstand me if you think I'm surprised it's being promoted by conservative Christians and Republicans. In fact, I think this is a more pure statement of what many of them are truly about.

4/23/2006 1:24 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

I'm with you Dan. Once again!

My daughter is intelligent, beautiful, witty, charming, well balanced and well behaved. She is a straight A student with perfect attendance. She was selected by People To People, Int. to be a Student Ambassador and will be leaving this summer for 3 weeks in Australia. She is an Honor Student with many awards and commendations.

She is also a perfectly normal 12 year old and would not be caught DEAD dancing with me in public! No WAY I would humiliate her by forcing her to make public declarations about her future sexuality. That's just sick.

I trust my daughter to make good choices. I will continue to grant her that trust unless I see a need to intervene.

BTW, I was able to raise such a perfect daughter despite the fact that I am a Liberal, Baby-Eatin' Satanist who doesn't take her to church and has no Bible in the house.

Christians DO NOT have a monopoly on the ability to raise virtuous children. Quite the opposite.

Ever heard the one about the preacher's daughter? All that repression will bubble to the surface eventually. GUARANTEED!

4/23/2006 6:16 PM  
Anonymous travelingal said...

Obviously I wandered onto the wrong blog. Sayoonara.

4/23/2006 8:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this is a problem how? Just where is the deep, dark danger to society or individuals here?

You might not choose to make that pledge - OK. That's fine. Tell me again why this is wrong, or terrifying???

And BTW, XO, Christians make no claim to a monopoly on raising virtuous children.

4/24/2006 8:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous Me said...

The last one was me. I gotta learn to work these damn machines . . .

4/24/2006 8:56 AM  
Blogger emawkc said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4/24/2006 3:31 PM  
Blogger emawkc said...

I'm with Dan and the X-Man on this one. 11-year-old girls shouldn't be taking vows of chastity. It's inhuman. They are at the age when promiscuity is demanded. How else are they going to get pregnant early and have a child for the welfare system to take care of? Hell, they at least need to practice having sex. No man wants to marry a virgin, afterall.

4/24/2006 3:32 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Anonymous - If Christians don't claim to have a monopoly on raising virtuous children, then why are they so hell-bent on ramming their values down everyone elses throats? Why don't they just back the fuck off and let other people live their lives as they see fit without trying to legislate morality?

Emaw, you chucklehead! Reminds me of when Ford was President and his daughter made some comment about thinking pre-marital sex was OK. Some comedian commented that "no one's going to buy an 18 year old Ford without driving it around the block a few times!"

Last but not least, I don't know why ANYONE would want to marry a virgin, or someone you haven't had sex with. What if you get "locked in" with the marriage and the sex sucks? You want to spend the rest of your life with a lousy lay?

A car will only last you a few years at best, but you research the car, test drive it, kick the tires, ask friends, all sorts of due diligence before you commit. Why would you take LESS due diligence about a decision that (in theory) commits you for a lifetime?

That's just crazy!

4/24/2006 6:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

XO tapped that one right in the ass. Who'd want to be married if the sex wasn't awesome? When the old lady get's a little less than smokin' hot, it's time to trade her in on a new model - or at least invest in a little professional sexual assistance. Sex is everything in marriage. That love, honor and "until death do us part" stuff is just to keep the women in line until its time to trade them in. Sexual purity and marriages based on more than sex are weird ideas - kind of old fashioned and Judeo-Christian. I mean - what if your wife or husband caught some life-threatening disease or became disabled? Would you really want to stick around? I mean, if I was sick or disabled, that would be different - of course the spouse should have to stick around. It's a good thing that most people don't follow that do-gooder stuff any more. Fortunately, XO is here to tell all the Christians how to raise their daughters! I guess when the little girls get their birth control pills, everything will be alright.

4/24/2006 8:38 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Anonymous - Of course there is more to marriage (or any long-term, committed relationship) than sex.

But sexual compatability is an important part of a healthy relationship. Potential couples spend a lot of time ensuring that they are emotionally compatible, spritually compatible, finacially compatible, etc. before committing to marriage.

How can you ignore sexual compatibility? Do you just take that one "on faith"?

Let's take a really simple examle. Suppose you only get off doing it doggy style. Missionary just doesn't peel your potato. But your new wife finds doggy degrading and she just can't bring herself to do that for you. Because you are Good Christian Folk, you don't discover this until you are bound together for all eternity. "Till Death Do Us Part".

So, for the rest of your life, you will never be sexually satisfied. Never.

That's OK with you? You're fine? No pent-up frustration? No lingering hostility? No suppressed desires? Bullshit!

I'll bet if you took a survey (or "exit poll"), the majority of hooker customers would be repressed Christian men with repressed Christian wives who think that sex should be some kind of "spiritual union" reserved for procreation.

No aphrodesiac as powerful as GOD watching you, huh?

To each his own.

4/24/2006 11:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous Me said...


Gosh, I don't know how anyoneone would want sexually responsible daughters (or sons, for that matter). Gotta put a stop to that.
Surely you would want your daughters fully versed, sexually, by the time they're 16; gosh, how could they ever get a date if they can't do it at least three ways, preferably at the same time. Certainly, as a responsible father, you'd want to supervise such training personally . . .

Sarcasm off.

I don't have daughters (thank God), just three boys. I can tell you that all three of my boys have gotten the same speech, and I hope and pray for the same behavior from them. It's called respect.

Marriage isn't about me; or about what I want from it. It's about my partner, and her happiness. I don't need to "kick the tires," just care about her above all else. If I take care of that, the rest will take care of itself.

I'll leave the silliness about "legislating morality" alone for now.

4/25/2006 8:48 AM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Anonymous, you silly wabbit! Of course I want my daughter to be sexually responsible! But parading her in front of some Purity Ball and making her recite some pledge ain't gonna do it! That's just fucking stupid!

Education, facts, communication and open honesty are the key to raising well adjusted children who have the tools to make good decisions as they grow into adulthood.

Millenia old dogma, recited pledges, pious pronouncements, threats of eternal damnation and spoon-fed mythology will only result in a maladjusted, repressed, ill-informed, basket case who is 100% guaranteed to make bad decisions.

You said "Marriage isn't about me; or about what I want from it. It's about my partner, and her happiness. I don't need to "kick the tires," just care about her above all else. If I take care of that, the rest will take care of itself."

Okey dokey. Must be nice on the planet where you live. They have Chinese take-out there? Delivery?

4/25/2006 6:52 PM  
Anonymous Rhymes With Right said...

Yeah -- virginity for eleven-year-olds is so old-fashioned and red-state. The blue-state way is to send them out with a purse full of condoms at ten and hope they have received the liberal sacrament of abortion by the time they are thirteen. < /sarcasm>

I guess I don't see what you find so offensive and troubling. Is it your objection to Christian values, sexual morality, or loving two-parent families with involved fathers?

4/25/2006 10:24 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Sex isn't even on an 11 year old's radar screen. At 11, they still think that boys are gross and smell bad. Which, of course, is true.

What I find offensive is parents who are idiotic enough to think that a handful of fairy tales passed down by a bunch of semi-literate nomads over 2000 years ago is going to prevent their teenagers from having sex.

Stupidity and ignorance tend to piss me off. Especially when it is embraced so willingly and spoon-fed to children as a panacea for all of the worlds ills.

How about equipping them with some REAL tools (critical thinkng skills, logic, good sense, FACT based education) that will help them survive and thrive in the REAL world?

Regurgitated mythology is nothing more than a dangerous placebo.

4/26/2006 6:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Why are you so dismissive towards God and those who believe in God? Christianity is more concerned about the relationship between humans and God than it is about sex, which is simply one aspect of our lives.

If you believe that Christianity is mere mythology, why does it bother you that I am committed to serving God? Does it bother you that I put some extra care into how I interact with other people because of my faith? It doesn't hurt you for me to believe in God, does it?

You would like Christians to avoid tellling you how to live your life. Should you be telling me how to live mine?

I wish you well in life. I hope you are not offended when I say that I hope God blesses you and that you come to know God in a meaningful way.

4/26/2006 4:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous Me said...

The planet where I live, XO, is 25 years with the same wife, and not regreting a day. Come join me on that planet; it's nice.

And you're awful fearful of what you don't believe in, don'tyathink? Methinks there's more to this story. You have issues, my friend.

Did this topic hit too close to home? Is there something about you and your daughter we don't wanna know about? Hope not.

And God bless. HIS existance and relevence is not dependent on your belief. But yours may well be.

4/26/2006 6:32 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Anonymous - First of all, no, I am not offended in any way when you or anyone else says "God Bless You", or "Merry Christmas" or anything along those lines. I accept them in the spirit in which they are given. It is a kindness extended to another human being and there is too little of that in the world. So, thank you.

What does offend me is hypocrisy, intolerance and dogmatic evangalism.

I honestly do believe that people should be free to embrace whatever ideology gets them through the day and that parents are free to raise their children however they see fit.

Thomas Jefferson said "Another man's belief neither picks my pockets nor breaks my bones." I agree.

But I see hypocrisy in a father parading his 11 year old daughter in front of a room full of other people asking her to recite a pledge regarding her future sexual behavior (mostly to make him look good and feel good in front of his peers..."See what a good father I am?") at an age when she doesn't even know what sex is.

You know WHY she doesn't know what sex is?

Because that same father would throw a real hissy fit if anyone tried to provide her with some truly useful sex education that would equip her with the knowledge to make informed, rational choices when she got older.

I see intolerance in EVERY religion. In fact, religions are pretty much BUILT on intolerance. Look at the situation in the Middle East. Everyone, on all sides, are religious extremists.

The Isrealis are religious extremists. "God Himself gave us this land, so we are taking it from you, living here forever, and you can all go fuck yourselves."

The Taliban are religious extremists.

Al Queda are religious extremists.

The Saudis are religious extremists.

The Iranian president is a religious extremist. He wants to hurry the coming of the "Hidden Imam".

President Bush is a religious extremist. He thinks he has been ordained by God to help bring about the Second Coming.

Suicide bombers are religious extremists. They think they will become martyrs by killing infidels.

The Christian Crusaders were religious extremists. They slaughtered women and children in the name of God.

When I look at the religious history of the world I see a constant bloodbath of intolerance.

Believe whatever you want in the privacy of your own home.

But the minute you step over that threshold and try to impose your beliefs on others (by passing laws controlling other peoples lives and choices) you've gone too far.

Sorry for the long post. But this is a subject that I am fairly passionate about.

4/26/2006 7:11 PM  
Anonymous Rhymes With Right said...

XO -- sadly, I wish that your statement regarding 11 year olds was accurate. You clearly don't work with children.

Our society, unfortunately, has sexualized children to such a horrific degree that we have pregnant eleven year olds. There are at least two in my school district right now.

4/27/2006 5:06 AM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

I saddened to hear that.

What do you think could have prevented that?

Mythology or facts?

4/27/2006 5:55 AM  
Anonymous travelingal said...

"But the minute you step over that threshold and try to impose your beliefs on others (by passing laws controlling other peoples lives and choices) you've gone too far."

I said goodbye, but I've been watching this thread and can't help but comment on the above statement. The laws have changed, but not in favor of Christianity, quite the opposite. No more prayer in schools. No more Christmas in public places. No more crosses or anything Christian on anything public with the ACLU suing every small town with a monument put up decades ago. Abortion on demand. And, more wanted, for example homosexual marriage with full benefits, churches threatened with losing their tax exempt status for speaking about their own Christian beliefs in their own churches.

So just who is passing laws and trying to control lives? What I see is Christians constantly under attack.

Back to the purity balls, there is no threat to anyone else. No one is forced to attend. There are no attempts to force it on society. Right or wrong, it's a private function. Yes, it may backfire if handled badly, but so could a liberal approach to introducing sexuality to children.

4/27/2006 8:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous Me said...

The only thing you've truly demonstrated, XO, is that you don't understand Christianity. Or religion in general. And you've demonstrated intolerance in spades.

As to hypocricy in churches, sure, we've got our share. But come on in, we have room for one more hypocrite. You're welcome.

4/27/2006 9:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


We can agree on one thing. There are extremists of all stripes and colors - including atheists, agnostics, theists, pagans, etc.

However, I could introduce you to some Christians, Jews, Muslims, atheists and pagans you would be proud to know. The fact that extremists exist does not mean that faith is foolishness. The fact that a President of the United States does something foolish does not mean that all Presidents are foolish or that the President you disagree with is always foolish.

I'm a Christian, but I also understand logic and reason. I'm not a perfect Christian. The fact that I try to live up to God's standards, but fail is a valid criticism of me, but not of God. You seem to confuse the failure of men with a failure of God. Logic and faith are different, but not necessarily antagonistic.

4/27/2006 4:35 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Travelingal -

"No more prayer in schools"
Never should have been in the first place. Religion should be taught in the home and in churches. NOT tax funded schools. I am under NO obligation (via my tax dollars) to further your agenda.

"No more Christmas in public places."
Not true at all. The Malls and Churches are both "public places" and there is PLENTY of Christmas there. Just not in tax-payer funded public places. As should be the case.

Believe it or not, a lot of tax payers are Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, agnostic and athiest.

"No more crosses or anything Christian on anything public with the ACLU suing every small town with a monument put up decades ago." it should be. How would you feel, as a Christian walking into a courthouse with the Muslim crescent boldly emblazoned above the courthouse door and then finding Sharia laws proudly displayed behind the judges bench. Would you draw the conclusion that justice was impartial and that you would get a fair trial?

"Abortion on demand"
Bullshit. Try to find someplace that will give you an abortion just because you want one. That being said, I firmly believe that a woman has the right to decide what happens within her own body. How would you feel if you got an ulcer, and some LIBERAL organization decided that the bacteria that caused ulcers were "endangered" and prevented you from getting treatment?

"And, more wanted, for example homosexual marriage with full benefits"
So what? How does that "pick your pocket or break your bones"? I think gay people should have the same right as heterosexuals to be denied sex for forgetting to take out the trash, be bitched and moaned at for the most trivial transgressions, and be generally demeaned and demoted as the rest of us. Why should we have all the "fun"? Marriage is on the decline. If gay people want to get married, it will drive the number of married couples up. Marriage will have a surge in popularity. Why do you care?

Jeez! You guys are killing me! The scrolling up and down alone are giving me carpal tunnel!

"churches threatened with losing their tax exempt status for speaking about their own Christian beliefs in their own churches."
Again, gotta call BULLSHIT. Churches are losing their tax exempt statuses for gettin involved in politics! Endorsing one candidate over the other from the pulpit. Personally, I have a problem with the whole "tax exempt" issue in the first place.

"So just who is passing laws and trying to control lives? What I see is Christians constantly under attack."
Oh really? Been to Kansas lately? The State School Board has been trying to get prehistoric laws passed banning the teaching of sex education and evoloution in favor of abstinence and intelligent design. Talk about setting your children up for ridicule and failure!

Anonymous Me -
"The only thing you've truly demonstrated, XO, is that you don't understand Christianity. Or religion in general."
You don't know me. I was raised Methodist. I know The Christian Bible front to back, chapter and verse. I went through my own spiritual journey in my teens. I know Catholocism, Islam, Hindu, Satanism, Mormonism, Seventh Day Adventist, Jehovah's Witnesses, Christian Scientists, Scientologists, you name it. Don't presume to know me.

Anonymous -
"You seem to confuse the failure of men with a failure of God."

They are one in the same. Is He not All Powerfull? Is it his Will that the US and Iran should get into a nuclear showdown and that millions of innocents should die? Is that a "just and loving" God? Will you be so generous when your own childen are incinerated or die a slow lingering death from radiation poisoning?

Are you willing to pay that price?

4/27/2006 8:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

XO -

The failure of man is NOT the failure of God. We have this thing called free will which is exactly why you have the freedom to reject God.

As someone a lot smarter than me said, we will either say to God, "Thy will be done," or when someone chooses to live apart from God and die, God will say, "Your will be done."

Why are you so angry at God or those who believe in Him? I'd like to understand the venom.

4/28/2006 7:56 AM  
Anonymous travelingal said...

XO It's not my job to change your mind on any religious issues. I'm not perfect. Kansas isn't perfect. I'm a human who believes that dinosaurs walked the earth and I believe Jesus walked the earth. I haven't seen a dinosaur and I haven't seen Jesus Christ, but I believe they both existed. One does not exclude the other.

I do see the beginning of life. I do see trees, flowers, a baby in the womb and I have seen the end of life before my eyes. I also see evil in many forms. I know my knowledge is limited. I see an idiot savant and know that our brains are wondrous, but those ordinary folks like me and even the most brilliant scholars don't understand the brain. They know how the liver works, how the heart works, etc. but they cannot fully explain how the brain works. But, I know that flower, that baby, that idiot savant is not an accident of nature. Neither is a serial killer. I know that some day, not in this life, I will understand it all.

And so I'll go on being that human with my human limitations for now, knowing there is more, enjoying what I have, praying for strength when I need it and thanking God for what he has given me and you.

And thankfully, we have that choice by living in this great country.

4/28/2006 9:31 AM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

There is nothing to "understand".

It doesn't make sense. Things don't "happen for a reason".

It's a random universe. Bad things happen to good people for no reason, and good things happen to bad people for no reason.

It's all in how we deal with it. Do we admit and deal with reality? Or do we make up fairy tales that make us feel better?

God doesn't call Uncle Burt to heaven because he needs another angel. Uncle Burt just walked in front of a bus and now he's dead.

Shit happens. Deal with it.

5/03/2006 10:36 PM  
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