Clarification on Purity Balls

Blogging has its share of surprises. From the kind emails somebody sends you, to the occasional acquaintance who figures out that I produce this site, to the spikes in traffic that have no apparent cause, you just never know what will happen next. But the commentary caused by EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW! ranks way up there. Due to the emotional and spiritual heat generated, I feel like I owe a little bit of clarification. If you want background, please check out the original post, and its links - especially the 'republican fundraiser" link.

1. The symbolism of the locket is just waaaaay too graphic:

The Heart to Heart™ program, created by jeweler Joe Costello, differs from other abstinence programs in some important, unique ways. [...]

First, the “key to her heart.” This beautiful heart has a smaller heart in the front. Behind that heart is a keyhole. When making the covenant with your daughter, you explain that the covenant is between her, you and God. Since God has placed her in your care as a parent, you and only you can hold the “key to her heart.”

You then explain to the child that you will hold the key to her precious heart until the day of her wedding. On that day, you will give her away like at all weddings, BUT in doing so you will also “give away” the key to her heart to her now husband. The key and lock are actually functional and your son-in-law will place the key in the heart to open it.

Inside will be a small note that had been placed in the heart on the day you made the covenant. That note can say something like, “I do not know your name or what you even look like, but this is my promise to save myself for you this day. Love, Melanie.”

If you're comfortable with the thought of holding on to the key some guy will plunge into your daughter's locket on her wedding night, and discussing the symbolism with an 11 year-old, you're a lot less squeamish than I am.

2. The obsession with your daughter's sexuality required to get involved with something like this strikes me as bizarre. Of course, you should raise her to make smart decisions in all aspects of her life. But putting this much emphasis on an 11 year-old's sexuality - taking her to a Purity Ball as her first big date - strikes me as warped. I'm not making any accusations, but I wouldn't let such a man do the family laundry . . .

3. Why would anyone want to put this much emphasis on his daughter's hymen? Why should her "radiant sense of self-worth and identity" be centered on her virginity? It's not exactly an achievement at that stage . . .

4. What happens if she, like an overwhelming majority of Americans, lets a key into her locket before the wedding night? What kind of damage to her self-esteem and parental relationship will result? How will she be able to approach or face a father who has made it clear that her worth and identity are tied to her "purity"?

5. Why does the father hold the key? Does anyone else here see a strain of medieval chattle-status and property rights here? Certainly, telling an 11 year-old that her vagina belongs to her father strikes me as hearkening back to days of yore and jus primae noctis.

6. What about the boys?

7. I asked the smartest and most admirable young woman I know about this. Her reply, via intant message, was "EW". She wasn't even mad at me for missing an opportunity to buy her a piece of jewelry.