Saturday, January 03, 2009


As a skinny, nerdy teenager with acne, I was once a connoisseur of rejection. If it weren't for blind dates with a gentle sense of humor or a strong sense of pity, I might not have had any dates at all in high school.

But this is reeeediculous. This one hurts.

The Kansas City Star emailed me yesterday to tell me I won't be one of their Midwest Voices columnists. The paper that actually publishes Jason "Attention Whore" Whitlock, Steve "Hacktastic" Kraske and Yael "Spiteful Teenager" Abouhalkah on a regular basis won't put me on their page for a year.

And then there's Jenee' Osterheldt. Jenee' Osterheldt! Ouch.

This one hurts, hurts bad. I feel like the Chess Club just blackballed me because I'm not athletic enough, or the Math Club rejected me for a lack of social skills.

As I learned in High School, rejection teaches you that one door doesn't close without another door opening. Unfortunately, the door that opened was usually the one that led to watching the Carol Burnett Show on Friday night with my parents, while other kids were out doing all kinds of things I was yearning for. But still . . .

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Anonymous inafunkaboutthefunk said...

The question becomes who did they pick? And perhaps you can rate yourself against those people.

1/03/2009 3:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dan - Maybe it has something to do with the time you proved Hellings' math wrong, the time you pointed out that Yael is a lousy blogger, or the time you showed how out-of-touch Kraske was on the Mayor's race. Or maybe you just don't look as good as Jenee in hoop earrings.

In all seriousness, I think they scratched you off the list because they don't want the competition.

Maybe you should have married Zieman, like Lokeman did.

1/03/2009 3:47 PM  
Blogger Clarkent said...

Why would you want that gig?

1/03/2009 4:16 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

1/03/2009 4:38 PM  
Blogger Tony said...

I have to agree with 3:47 and remind you that you have just as much influence as those guys.

1/03/2009 6:28 PM  
Anonymous mainstream said...

This is your problem, Dan:

Quit smelling your fingertips in interviews.

It'll always give you away as a hopeless geek.

I had to interact with a LAN manager at one point in my life, and when diagnosing my pc problem he would hunker down, ask me a question about what error message I saw on my screen(or whatever), I would answer -- then he would whip is hand around under his nose, and give a good *SNNNIIFF*

Needless to say, he's still a LAN manager.

And you're still, well....

a blogger.

1/03/2009 7:22 PM  
Anonymous Dan's Neighbor said...

Dan you are removing comments without leaving a "Comment Deleted" placeholder. That is pretty chickenshit even for you.

Once again I will point out that you were probably rejected because you have become nothing more than an apologist for Funkhouser. If the Star wants that kind of dribble they can just ask Kendrick to write it for an Op Ed.

You have blown your credibility with this mindless devotion to the Grand Duke Funk and Madame Baton Smudge.

Face it Dan I understand that you can delete the comments that you do not want people to read, but the same is true that I can post them repeatedly and make work for you. It is an easy game to play, so do you want to play?

I am an elderly man with much more time to toy with you than you have to delete my comments without a trace.

1/03/2009 10:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw that comment earlier today and while I understand that you might disagree with it Dan, I do not see a reason for you to have deleted it.

This reminds me of the time when you went back and deleted comments in support of Jason Kander that also included anti-social opinions. You should not be engaged in that kind of toying with the record.

1/03/2009 10:30 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

Neighbor - Stop the foolish name calling - the criticism, though off topic and obnoxious, is not why I've deleted your comments.

Anonymous - you're imagining things, or making them up. (I suppose there is a tiny chance that I've forgotten the instance you're attempting to describe, but the only things I would delete back then were racist, homophobic or similar comments, which I will delete without worrying about how you feel.

1/03/2009 10:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who cares, the Star is going to go tits up!

Diana Christensen

1/04/2009 1:52 AM  
Anonymous inafunkaboutthefunk said...

but the only things I would delete back then were racist, homophobic or similar comments,

Not true Dan. You have deleted comments of mine that were mostly critical of you or some of the Funk A Dunk loyalists. Not a one was homophobic or racist.

Try to keep on track with the truth, Big Guy.

1/04/2009 1:10 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

You are correct, Ina, but you weren't commenting here (at least not often) back in the Kander race. You were the one of the inspirations for the new "No really stupid stuff" policy, as opposed to the more tolerant "no stuff that makes me gasp" I formerly followed.

At the same time, I'll acknowledge that when you have commented lately, you've been much more mature and issue-based, so I've not been deleting your comments.

1/04/2009 1:32 PM  
Anonymous Dan's Neighbor said...

You only do it when the bigots make your position look bad, which means you are a liar Dan.

1/04/2009 8:43 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

Neighbor - I wish I had your positive view of how often I look bad. I keep lots of comments up that manage to put me in a bad light. If I had the time and inclination to delete all of those, I would certainly be able to banish you from my site.

In all sincerity, I don't maintain this site to enhance my image. Nor to lie.

1/04/2009 10:17 PM  
Anonymous inafunkaboutthefunk said...

I don't care about Kander. I post mostly one one issue... Mayor Smart With Nothinghouser and his excess baggage (oops, our excess baggage) the Squid.

And as to my use of descriptive names... many of my comments have been picked up by almost all in even your world... The Squid, Mayor Smart With Nothinghouser, the Co-Mayors to mention a few.

My posts are the same as they always have been. And when you step out of the box Dan, I will be there every time to reign you back in :) Like the instance above. And I never use racism or vulgarity or, like your old friend, Randy Andy Squitiro, foul language (he got deleted over at Prime Buzz multiple times for that infraction).

Nice try to attempt be condescending though.

1/04/2009 10:22 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

Ina - yes, you are indeed the quintessential one-issue commenter, and I will continue to happily delete your comments when they are heavy on name-calling and short on reasonable argument. Focus on the latter, and we're fine.

1/04/2009 10:30 PM  
Anonymous inafunkaboutthefunk said...

You try to do the same Dante. Be real. Stay on the planet. And try not to excuse whatever bone-headed, rude, vulgar, two faced, not smart with the money behavior emanates from Team Funkhouser. And try not to be so sensitive when you are called out for the same.. sort of baby-like, if you ask me :)

Oh, yes, I left one issue out... if you duck criticism, then expect follow up posts. As you are keenly aware, I really post and care about one issue. So I have more time to devote to those who dwell in la la land and try to avoid the truth.

And you still haven't produced a list of what a reasonable person would think would be their accomplishments for the City while in office (office not being extended to the new office at West 57th Terrace... a/k/a the underwater mortgaged Shantytown on West 57th Terrace).

And I don't think, pardon me if I am mistaken, that we ever heard from you on the issue of whether the 2007 Squitiro Christmas Card was JUST PLAIN VULGAR. I wonder, Dante, would you have deleted the Christmas Card had she, your pal Gloria, posted the same on your blog?

1/05/2009 1:57 PM  
Blogger Logtar said...

When you get turned down during last call by the girl that took a couple of trips to the bathroom with different people, rejection might just keep you from having to get a shot.

1/05/2009 10:27 PM  

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