Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Overlooked Again

The John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation issued its "Genius Grants" yesterday, and, once again, they overlooked me. I'm okay with that - I know that my special form of genius sometimes doesn't correspond to traditional measures. It's more of a free-form, amorphous kind of genius, and, to be honest, getting a $500,000 unrestricted grant to pursue it could be dangerous.

That said, I'm shocked that Jeff Varasano of New York did not get one. How could they overlook his boundless drive to make the perfect pizza? Surely, when they saw that he actually hacked his stove so that he could use the self-cleaning cycle to bake a pizza, they knew they had found a man of genius . . .


Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

I was shafted too.


9/20/2006 9:12 AM  
Blogger emawkc said...

XO- Don't sweat it. I happen to know from an inside source that you are a leading candidate for the Goldfinger Foundation's Evil Genius Grants. So at least you've got that going for you.

9/21/2006 9:55 AM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...


I've already got the whole secret underground lair with huge panels of lights blinking in mysterious patterns for no apparent reason.

Okay, well actually its just my basement and single LED bulb above my conga drums that cycles through 3 colors. But I'm working on it!

But I honest-to-God do have an Army of buxom-half-naked-female-ninja-slaves ready to carry out my nefarious plans as soon as I give the order.

Okay, well, I have a girlfriend. She's really sexy, I love her a lot, but she'd sooner stab me in the eye with a pencil and set fire to me before she'd follow any "order" I attempted to give her. I kinda like that about her.

I gotta quit spending so much time on ""

Do I still get the Grant?

9/21/2006 5:40 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home