Sunday, February 12, 2006

Cheney Shoots Hunter - the News Cycle

Yesterday, Vice President Dick Cheney shot a fellow quail hunter in the face and neck. It appears that the injuries are serious, though the man will likely survive. This is a sad story, and it takes an undisciplined ass to shoot someone while quail hunting, but I'll leave the cries for justice to others. Instead, I'll map out the way the story will run for the next few days.

* Someone tells Bush, interrupting him as he reads a children's book to himself. He finishes the book, and then asks whether Iran was behind the shooting.

* The Pentagon begins plans to invade Iran, as a response to the attack on America.

* Democratic leaders express reservations about whether we should invade Iran and propose sanctions on Tehran instead.

* The New York Times and the Washington Post enthusiastically support the invasion, and Judith Miller shows up at the nearest military base, ready to be embedded.

* The lefty blogosphere howls in protest, pointing out that the quail had nothing to do with Iran, and calling for an investigation into whether Cheney had a valid hunting license.

* Right wing bloggers call the lefties unpatriotic, and claim that the administration has inherent authority to engage in licenseless hunts.

* Hillary Clinton agrees with the administration on invading Iran, but wants all quail hunters to be supplied with facial armor.

* College Republicans question the patriotism of anyone who doesn't support shooting quail, though they themselves refuse to pick up a shotgun.

* A helpful aide explains to George W. Bush that this story has nothing to do with his father's Vice president.

* Joe Lieberman calls upon the Democratic Party to unite behind Our Glorious Leader, George W. Bush. Chris Matthews questions why it took him so long.

* The Pentagon issues a "stop loss" order, requiring any person who played "army" while growing up to reenlist, while denying that this action in any way resembles a draft.

* Congress decides to cut down on paperwork and simply give Halliburton a trillion dollars.

* The citizens of Iran greet the liberating army with rose-shaped IEDs, and no quail are found anywhere in the country.

* Bush questions the patriotism of anyone who wants to "live in the past" and discuss why we invaded Iran.

2 Comments:

Blogger emawkc said...

Thanks for sorting this out for us. For some reason I was under the impression that Dan Quayle had done shots with Cheney during a Huntington Beach party (don't know how I could have mixed that up).

2/12/2006 7:07 PM  
Anonymous JW said...

I'd like to know what the old man said before Dick shot him.
I read this morning that the government knew about the attack before it happened. They intercepted an email to the Quail from overseas.

2/13/2006 9:20 AM  

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