Saturday, May 15, 2004

RNC Agenda

A friend forwarded me an advance copy of a schedule of highlights for the Republican National Convention, and I share it with you here for those of you who need a little extra time to program your VCRs.

Tentative Schedule of Highlights of the Republican National Convention
New York, New York, August 29-September 2, 2004

Catering Service: Halliburton
Chauffeur Service: Blackwater

Opening Night

8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors, Rush Limbaugh

8:15 pm Blessing of the Republican Party and Curse on Satanic Democrats, Reverend Franklin Graham

8:30 pm Keynote Address, Ahmed Chalabi

9:30 pm Benediction and Call to Holy War, General William Boykin

Second Night

8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors, Judge Charles Pickering

8:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance and Anointment with Crisco Oil, Attorney General John Ashcroft

8:30 pm Quadrennial Compassionate Conservatism Musical Offering of Minstrel Songs and Cakewalk

9:00 pm Speech, Condoleezza Rice

9:30 pm Speech, Colin Powell, cancelled

9:30 pm Video Tribute, Strom Thurmond

10:00 pm Presentation of Party Platform and No-Bid Contracts: Ahmed Chalabi

Third Night

8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors, Tom DeLay

8:15 pm Bush Family Tribute:
Neil Bush on Family Values
Marvin Bush on Saudi Investment Opportunities for Family Members
Jeb Bush on Fair Drug Sentencing Guidelines and Election Laws for Family Members

9:00 pm Nomination speech for George W. Bush, Ahmed Chalabi

9:30 pm Seconding speech, Brent Scowcroft, cancelled

9:35 pm Seconding speech, Paul O'Neill, cancelled

9:40 pm Seconding speech, Christie Todd Whitman, cancelled

10:00 pm Roll call of the states and counting of votes, Antonin Scalia

Closing Night

8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors Karl Rove

8:15 pm Incantation from the Platform to Open Witchcraft Trial of 9/11 Widows at Ground Zero: Richard Perle, William Kristol, Scooter Libby, Paul Wolfowitz

9:00 pm Acceptance Speech of Presidential Nominee (Joint Appearance, Not Under Oath): George W. Bush and Dick Cheney

9:30 pm Acceptance Speech of Nominee (Iraq): Ahmed Chalabi

10:00 pm Closing Prayer, Last Round and Final Bet, William Bennett


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is it that liberals are so quick to throw the race card? Sure, Strom Thurmond is a racist as are many Southern Democrats. Most liberals and most conservatives ARE NOT racists. Tell me, did Mr. Clinton appoint as many African-Americans to top cabinet posts as Mr. Bush did? And don't lay that Uncle Tom stuff on me. Any time a Republican is a person of color or appoints a person of color, the liberals love to use the Uncle Tom label. If a Republican is white or appoints a white person, liberals love to use that as an example of racism. What is really going on is liberal hypocrisy. Liberals can't stand it when someone else has the high ground.

Let's look at your post, which is admittedly humorous in a sick kind of way. Early on it throws the race card (Presentation of Confederate Colors), then it bashes a religious leader with a reputation for honor (Franklin Graham), it makes a veiled slur against Islam (Call to Holy War), returns to the race card (more on the Confederates), attacks a man's religion (John Ashcroft and the Crisco), accuses the Republicans of racism (minstrel show remark), insults a national leader of color by pairing her with the minstrel show remark (Condoleeza Rice), attacks Jeb Bush because he has children with a drug problem, and then makes fun of a guy with a gambling addiction. Of course, I left out several more racial insults. Hey, I don't like Ashcroft either, but let's talk about his policies and his actions in office, not his religion.

Too bad the victims of your humor aren't liberal - if they were then perhaps Ted Kennedy (beacon of light and moral guide for the New America) could help them with a government program or two.

5/17/2004 9:46 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

By no means are most Republicans racist, but most racists are Republicans. I'm surprised at how thin-skinned some right-wingers are, though!

The piece posted was similar to one I saw about the Democratic Convention recently, including many toasts from Kennedy, etc. I chuckled at it, but didn't get myself knotted up about how unfair it was.

Franklin Graham is a lunatic, by the way. His "reputation for honor" was burned away in the heat of his Islam-bashing.

5/17/2004 11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Regarding Franklin Graham - read the Koran, study the history of the Mideast, then get back to me about whether Graham is a lunatic. See: Koran 9:5 for example.

Many Muslims are peace loving people and believe their religion is a religion of peace. There are also Muslims who believe it is their duty to kill the unbelievers.

5/18/2004 5:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't you see the racism, stereotypification and anti-religious bigotry in the "humor" piece you posted?

If a conservative had posted something that placed a reference to a highly regarded African-American man or woman in close proximity to a comment about a minstrel show, you would be howling, "RACISM!" at the top of your lungs.

While you are comfortable making Crisco jokes at John Ashcroft's expense, would you make fun of a Jewish man for wearing a yarmulka? A Muslim woman for wearing a veil? A Muslim man for wearing a turban?

My point is not about the politics of the men and women you are criticizing. I don't think you need to be shy about criticizing the political decisions they make. My point is about the hypocrisy of engaging in the very behavior you are purportedly condemning - racism, bigotry, etc.

5/18/2004 6:28 PM  
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